Just Wanted 2 XPress Me.

Fuckaldo Kuee: I’m Lost in Translation!

2012-01-04T06:11:00.000-08:00

When I will learn Italian perfectly, God knows only, but I am sure for one thing and that is; I will make many embarrassing experiences until I perfect my Italian.

Like in many other languages in Italian as well there are certain expressions and “modi di dire” that are not translated literally otherwise their meanings are totally different.

“Prendere (qualcuno) in giro” literally in translation could mean “taking (someone) to a walk, a drive or a ride” but the expression means “making fun of (someone)” or “making joke on (someone)” or “teasing some one”.

“Dare una mano” means “giving a hand” or “helping” so in this case “chiedere una mano” or “chiedere a qualcuno a dare una mano” means “asking a hand” or asking someone to give a hand or help or asking for “someone’s help” while “Chiedere la mano di qualcuno” is totally different, that means to court someone! “Dare la mano” especially for girls means “giving an OKAY for wedding or engagement request of a man”.

The first word that I always made mistake pronouncing it, was the Green Line Metro direction in Milan that is called “Cologno” the name of a place, which is very similar in pronunciation to the word “Coglione” that means “testicles” and that is used a lot on daily basis anywhere you go.

It is may be because, there are fewer letters in Italian alphabet, therefore the words are very similar very little spelling differences.

My Chatting Errors!

A few days ago, when I needed a help in translation of something, I began looking for friends here there to see who could help me out. While chatting with a friend I needed her help for that translation of some pages from English into Italian. And this is the result you see below.

Embarrassing Chatting Error 1 (in Italian)

A: Ciao …… come stai?

B: Bene, bene, e tu?

A: Bene. grazie. Volevo chiederti una cosa.

B: Si, dimmi. Hai bisogno?

A: Voevo chiederti “la tua mano” per uan cosa.

B: Cosa?!! La mia mano?

A: Si.

B: Ma cosa stai dicendo?!

A: Si, ho qualche documento e volevo traddure in Italiano, da Inglese a Italiano.

B: e quindi?

A: Volevo che mi aiuasse!

B: Ah, okay. Ho capito. Ti serve “una mano”.

A: Esatto. Mi serve “la tua mano”!

B: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, No! In Italiano non si dice “la tua mano” altrimenti ti capiscono male. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Va bene allora, mandamelo, ti aiuto io!

A: Grazie.

B: Ma figurati! Mi avevi spaventato! Ha ha ah a

A: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ma perche’?

Embarrassing Chatting Error 2 (in Italian)

A: Sai che da quando ci siamo visti l’altra volta, ho sempre desiderato di rivederti ogni giorno!

B: Grazie!

A: Sai che sei bella, la piu’ bella ragazza che ho conosciuto in tutta la citta’!

B: Ma dai, “mi prendi in giro”, direi.

A: Si! Quando vuoi!

B: Ma che deficiente che sei!!

A: Se vuoi “ti prendo in giro”, facciamo un bel giro, non lo so dove, andiamo da qualche parte nella citta’, forse tu conosci la citta’ meglio di me.

B: ah, mmmm, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha che strano che sei!

A: Ma perche?

B: Niente! Si, e’ una bella idea!

A: Quindi ci sei?

B: Si, usciamo fine settimana, ti va bene?

A: Si va bene! Ma una cosa, non avevo capito, la parola “difficente?”

B: Lascia peredere, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

When the Moon smiles at you

2011-12-30T16:12:00.000-08:00

It was almost dark when I came out of home this evening. All day I was at home; reading, writing, chatting, Facebooking and watching film.

From my room, I could just hear the wind blowing which made sounds of a kind of crunch, crunch when the leafless branches of the trees were trembling shaken by it, but I hadn’t noticed the sky if it were thickly cloudy or purely blue.

Having not noticed outside, neither have watched the weather report, I took my little umbrella with me as usual when I came out of home just to be more careful in case if it rained or snowed late today.

I came out of home, heading towards work, with my little umbrella in my hand then I noticed the cleanness of the sky; “Oh!” I said “the umbrella is not needed” but it was already late to return home and put it back.

In a few steps away from home, I noticed the stars blinking at me, but more embarrassing was the way the Moon looked at me with its half face, giving me a warm smile, perhaps it thought that I was a fool or a sleep-walker with an umbrella in hand in an evening with a clean sky.

However, that warm smile of the Moon this evening at me will never be erased from my memory. At least I think it will remind of not taking an umbrella with me with the sky is pure blue!

CAPODANNO 2012: TUTTI PAZZI PER IL CINEMA!

2011-12-30T15:00:00.000-08:00

Messaggio per i 100 magnifici del futuro del Cinema Italiano

Spero che finite l’anno 2011 con un HAPPY ENDING e l’anno 2012 cominci con un CIAK di un altro TURNING POINT nella vostra vita.

Vi auguro felicita’ per ogni INQUADRATURA, ogni SCENA ed ogni SEQUENZA della vostra vita nel 2012.

Spero che andiate nei bei LOCATION, nei posti pieno di PELLICOLE, LUCI, MICROFONI, COSTUMI, PARRUCHE e tutto cio’ che volete e desiderate nella vostra vita.

Spero che ogni volta che aprite i vostri occhi vedete dei bei ATTORI e belle ATTRICI attorno a voi.

Spero che dovunque andate sentite IL CANTO D’AMORE con una qualita’ DOLBY DIGITAL.

Spero che passate l’anno Nuovo 2012 senza nessuno dei 5 FERITE Coviniano, e nessuno VUOTO Magioniano.

E alla fine, se avreste qualche OSTICOLI nelle pagine della vostra vita nell’anno nuovo, spero che anche abbiate un Mc con FINAL CUT Pro o WINDOWS con PREMIERE Pro a rimontare le SCENE delle vostra vita con un MONTAGGIO NON LINEARE per poter dimenticare le difficulta’ della vita, spero che anche usate SHIFT +DELETE per le SCENE che siano brutte nella vostra vita.

Anche se dicono tante cose su 2012 ma non dovete credere e non abbiate paura, il mondo non finisce qui, LA STRADA e piu’ lunga e noi dobbiamo andare alla SFIDA con una SPADA a combattare le difficulta’.

Secondo me chiunque parla male del 2012 a far paura gli altri, e’ UN NEMICO PUBBLICO.

Per noi basta lavare i nostri occhi e vedere il mondo in un modo diverso nel 2012, in HD ad esempio, tutto cambiera’!

Augurandovi un Buon Anno Nuovo, intanto voglio ricordarvi che non vi preoccupate ragazzi! Perche arrivera’ FINALMENTE LA FELICITA’. UN GIORNO sara' TUTTO BENE, perche Siamo nella scuola migliore del CINEMA, quinidi THIS MUST BE THE PLACE, dove alla fine tutti noi diventiamo THE ARTISTS.

Lo so che siete abastanza corragiosi, HEREAFTER dobbiamo essere tranquili che non succedera’ niente di male o di particolare nel 2012, perche’ tutto cio’ che doveva succedere, e’ gia’ successo nel 2011, quindi NIENTE PAURA!

IL NOSTRO DOMANI sara molto bello, se non ci sara' UNA SEPARAZIONE fra i compagni di scuola.

Uscite a MEZZANOTTE A MILANO a festeggiare il CAPODANNO e passare il vostro tempo felicemente.

BUON ANNO 2012 e TANTI TANTI AUGURI!

Taste of Ulcer, Joy of Pain and Silence of God

2011-10-17T03:29:00.000-07:00

Photo by Cosimo Filippini 2008

When Insomnia is no more a new thing, there are other new things ahead to come to you. This time, could this be a pain from a wound inside you, not a moral wound itself, but a physical wound caused by moral wounds and sufferings. Wounds which are sometimes necessary to have them as navigators of life, as determiners of the directions and as warning lights of limitations of our actions. Wounds that bring you pain, and pain that would let you suffer as much as it wants and then it is you responsible what to do with suffering from those pains; whether to free you from the pain forever or let you be in it and experiencing a kind of strange joy given by it. You may then have a joyful experiment with it.

****

Well, simply saying, the case is “ulcer”, a disease that is common and many can have it very easily, no price to pay to have it, it is enough to be careless and to have a little bit more stress in your daily life, that is it, you could have it!

Disorder in your meal time, not having good meal, repeatedly made meals, using a lot of conserved meal etcetera could be one part, then you should have many other problems as well to have a nice “ulcer” the best possible way.

You have to be far from you family, remember them all days, miss them a lot, be single and have no girlfriend for a couple of years, then you must have problems at your work, problems with working hours, irregularity in what you eat during your working hours etcetera could also help you get the “ulcer” much faster.

Good to be concerned about your people, the innocent ones who are being killed all days back home like sheep in an abattoir without any guilt, this would also help your “ulcer” grow better.

But one big thing that is very necessary for the process of having a nice “ulcer” is your preoccupation for a future that you do not know about; especially when you apply for a school and then you do not know what would happen with the results. These expectancies can ease the process of the “ulcer” and you can have a perfect “ulcer” without a doubt.

Once you got it, it is the time to relax, forget everything else in your life and just spend all your time to coup with it.

****

It’s been now, a year and half or a couple of years that I coup with “ulcer”. Years back, I had heard about it especially during the holy month of Ramadan, the people who could not fast, were entitled to have “ulcer” but then I laughed on them and thought, “what weak people they were”, for a small stomach problem, they avoid fasting. Although later it revealed that many others just were using the name of “ulcer” as an excuse for avoiding fasting, however I could now feel very well, the people with real “ulcer”.

And finally years after it came to me during this year’s Ramadan. The same thing happened to me; I could not fast as I could not resist without eating or drinking for up to sixteen hours. The other bad thing, I’d always hated was the to have a big abdomen, since my childhood, I’d always wondered why people have big abdomen and whenever I saw fat people, they seemed to me funny, I laughed on them whether on my face or just in my mind. And now with the “ulcer” I myself have a big belly. It is almost always inflated and I feel shameful about it. In Afghanistan, once it used to be a “bella figura” to have a big belly, the men with big abdomen were mostly the rich Hajis, who were so proud of their big stomach and were thought to be respectful in the society. And now, I, with an “ulcer”, an invisible point of pain inside my stomach, see how things could come to people who never expected them. Now I remember very well, my mom’s saying to me; “do not laugh on people, so one day they won’t laugh on you, because the world is round and things are gonna go and come back to you in this circle”. That is my mom’s most valuable advice and lesson for me.

****

Time is tough when you have an “ulcer”. It is hard especially when you are ordered for a long list of diet, but no matter with it though, it is worse when you have to wake up in the middle of night and have something to eat so stop the pain of your stomach. And when you live in a kind of “students shared room structures”, you’ll have to disturb room mate(s) and every one else.

Having an “ulcer”, you are most of the time by yourself, you do not have the sense of socialization, you lose the sense of humor, you like to be alone, isolated and within your own world which in long period may hurt you mentally and psychologically.

People or friends who do not know from inside you, think, you are selfish, or you have changed much by time, but who knows you are in conflict with yourself, with a part of your body, with a small invisible wound that is meaner than any other enemies of you.

But who can see and feel it to understand you? No one!

****

Apart from its negative aspects that you feel you are isolated or abandoned by the others, with an “ulcer”, life is very different as well. The “ulcer”, as a turning point in one’s life, works as an awakening alarm to show the fragility of life, especially when you have big dreams, many plans and programs to accomplish and then you see only a small wound that you have never thought of, threatens you from inside your stomach, so you have to be fast in your actions and be very careful with your timelines; before something happens to your life, do your best with your accomplishments to leave a good trace behind you as you’ve always thought about and dreamed of.

It leads you to a trip on a different path. On this path, you feel a kind of burning pain inside you that no one else could feel or see what is going on with you, but on the other hand, this burning pain is what keeps you awake until late nights to think, to feel and to understand the world through the silence and darkness of the night the importance of which is not discovered yet by the people. This feeling, this wound and this pain lets you be so free from many useless materialistic stuff in the world, lets you be deep, and leads you towards the stars in the sky each of which tells you a story by blinking to your eyes.

You may become irresistant and cry to the sky, seeking the answer from the creator that has created you; you may ask Him/Her why He/She had created you if He/She can not guarantee you, a painless life?! Why has He/She created you when He/She can not protect you against a small wound that is inside you?

You may shout aloud and cry to the sky, what is the purpose of your life that you’ve passed most part of it with wounds and pains?! You may shout aloud to the sky and ask “Is this the humanity?!” You cry and shout so loud to wake every one else saying; “Where is justice of God?!” But nothing happens.

With all your cries and wails, you get no answers and God is still silent as ever. He/She is silent as He/She has been all the time. You cry, cry, wail, shout and hit your head to the wall but you don’t get any answers yet, God is still silent!

He/She is still silent, as if, no one has ever suffered, as if no one has ever cried or wailed for justice.

He/She is silent as if there has never been injustice and sufferance in the world He/She has created. He/She is silent as if He/She has no eyes to see what His/Her creatures do on his created globe.

The silence of God disappoints you and you have to stop asking Him/Her again and again!

The grandeur of late night silences, the loneliness, the openness of your heart late at night, and the meaning of God, all and all helps you feel humanity and the value of mankind better. It helps you turn to yourself, to know you better, to think, question and seek the answer about your own existence from yourself, what you are for, why you have come and what you have to do.

At the end, without receiving any kind of answers from God, you thank that is the little wound inside you “ulcer” that has forced you at least to think about all these things and seek an answer for them.

****

Sometime ago, I heard in her interview, that Sussan Taslimi, Iranian-Swedish Actress said that an artists should have a burning soul which would lead them in their artistic directions. Then a few months ago, actually in last winter when we were shooting in cold weather, a colleague asked “Is it not that we have to suffer for art?!” And finally a few days ago, when I met with the Iranian Film Director Asghar Farhadi during his film premiere in Milan, I learnt one thing from him and that is “it is him who has something inside that leads him make such films, so if he changes his working place or if he works on a multi-million budget film with Hollywoodian facilities, his films would still be the same, because he is grown that way and the force that is inside him, pushes him to make only such films.” He answered it to an audience’s question saying this.

Sadegh Hedayat in his famous book, “The Blind Owl” talked of existence of incurable wounds that remain for the whole life with human beings and eat their soul calmly in isolation; some people try to cure it with alcohol and drugs while they do not know that there are no cure yet for such wounds and these substances are only temporary remedy and then worsen the situation.

For him could these wounds be, not in a physical form but moral, however the case is the same at the end; eating yourself from inside with moral pains, you are finally led to physical wounds.

For the first time, I heard about the Silence of God in Ingmar Bergman’s beautiful film “Winter Light” where the protagonist, a priest is complaining for two things: the pains he has received in his life after the death of his wife and the Silence of God he has faced with in spite of praying and praying.

And then after all, I’ve always asked me; well, what is it that hurting thing inside a human being? What is it that would burn one and makes him/her reach nearly to the end and then return to a new beginning? But I haven’t found the sharp answer for it yet. Could this be a wound, any kind of wound; a moral one or physical one!

Have You Ever Lost The Sense of Life?

2011-10-14T04:11:00.000-07:00

Life is like a rhythm that repeats time to time and we have no way, except getting used to it. Life is like music that you have to listen to it and enjoy it.

In this music time is very important, it exists but you do not feel it, until you get to know about it at once. It is like a seasonal perfume that passes by and gives you a sign of its passage. Actually time is like a passing- by breeze that goes, touches you softly, but you can not catch it, touch it or stop it.

And again crows! This morning after weeks of laziness or may be of being so busy with studies and other little things-to-do and of course the ulcer problem, I came out of home to run and discover who commands the world.

I went jogging to take deep breaths and get some inspirations for my writings. I really need to do something. My pen has been sleeping for a while, but now it has to shake a leg.

Especially now that I discovered, time is like a breeze that you can not touch or stop it, only feel it and when it goes away you regret for not being able to use it the way you should have been.

****

And the crows, of course, which I hate, are the messengers of coldness for me. Anytime they begin to caw, I feel they make fun of human beings, even sometimes I feel, they threaten the human beings, or at least they threaten me; making the fun of human beings for how weak they are, given them the message that the greenery is gone and soon snow fall and everywhere will be whiten out and that it is the time, when only and only black dots and points like crows would reign happily on the world and make fun of the people. I don’t know why, when they caw, I feel they laugh harshly at people!

With snow, I am happy, I like snow, when everywhere is white, I feel very relaxed that there is equality all over the world and its beauty is extraordinary. But then the crows, try to grab this happiness from me, and I feel they threaten to whiteness of the snow, it may not be right though.

I’ve always hated crows and I don’t know why. I only know in my childhood, anytime I had bad time, there must have been a crow cawing in the background and whenever I had a nightmare or a bad feeling at night, I must have dreamed a crow and even now that I am grown, whenever the crows begin to caw, I feel they threaten me but I don’t know why and what for.

Years back, sometimes, when I hated someone, soon his image in my mind would turn into a crow. The first time I saw Mullah Omar’s one-eyed portrait, I just imagined him as a crow but honestly I don’t know why.

****

It is mid October now, except some special kinds most of the trees still have green leaves, they are still colorful and beautiful, I can see that in spite of crows’ continues cawing, the trees still keep staying green.

May be in a month or so, they may change color, get pale, brown and bronze, but they will still be beautiful.

When they begin to fall, at first it is like a traffic light for me that let the other season come, but they are beautiful in their new color as well.

And autumn, in spite of its coldness, I like its beauty and the dancing falling leaves gives me a special feeling. And that, when it is getting cold, people, and lovers get closer, their hugs are warmer now in this new season.

In the first days in autumn when you walk on the sidewalks and trample the fallen leaves, the crunching sound may give you a sense of regret and sympathy for why you’d walked over them, but then you like the idea that the falling leaves go and let the new ones come out of the trees, it is the rule of the nature, you believe.

This idea relaxes you, and you don’t care anymore that each autumn is the alarm of passage of a year you’ve left behind, and you think it is okay, as long as there is life, you take breath, feel it and enjoy it. And if you have a good luck and chance, you would dance happily with this rhythmic music!

****

I went jogging as once I used to, in the nearest park. It has been now a year that I live in this area and I use this park for running.

This may be the fifth or sixth park in this city I come to for jogging.I have discovered that jogging really helps me opening my mind and seeing things differently.

During these years, place to place I changed my home and now I am here in this zone of the city. Changing different places, I got to know different corner of the city, with their particularities. Here in this city, during these four years, I have been sad, happy, alone, with friends, full, empty, emotional, cold- hearted, faithful, Godless, hopeful, disappointed but I have continued to live and experience more and more possible.

The idea of “beginning to write again” came to my mind when I saw the postings of my blog, “Oh my God!” years have passed and this blog, that had to be a very personal window of my heart with the people outside, has remained un-posted for so long.

And now I have decided to write, write and write again to keep the heart of this blog throbbing so my own heart keep throbbing with it.

Ready to be published; after two long years of hard work

2010-09-16T03:05:00.000-07:00

photo by Robert Maier

‘Once there was a time, when there was love but against it there was a reaction of hate, there was the hand of friendship but against it there was the gun of enmity. There were struggles of men versus the hands of fate on the waves of life. There were only good memories left in front of hard times with harsh truths. There was thirst for power but there was still trend for forgiveness. There was darkness of disappointment but on the other side there was still hope for the brightness of the dawn. There were wails while there was still laughter. There was war and there was peace. There were massacres and there were survivors.
But once the time changed and cruelty took over and fear began ruling on everyone’s heart. Love was replaced by hate. Nothing was seen but redness of blood, bloods of weak human beings shed by the fiercer ones of the same kind. It was then time when love, and humanity were both taken away by the wind of time, instead darkness was covering everyone’s eyes. The little boys became grown men in overnight to pick up guns and kill proudly mankind of the hostiles when hostility was expanding day by day and people went to slavery; in such a situation cruelty had no limits!
In the twilight time it was hard to distinguish cries of men from the howls of wolves. There was only thirst for blood and there was passion for revenge and it continued generation to generation until one man came to save his nation breaking the chains of slavery and tearing the ropes of Juwalis and again the sign of hope began to blink in the eyes of millions of people.’
It all happened in the era when being Hazara was a crime on a land today called Afghanistan and I brought all of it in a wonderful novel.

***

Finally these days I am sighing for having finished the first step of work; my novel is completed and is now the time to talk with a good publisher/distributor.

Completing a fiction work in a second language has never been easy for me, however nowadays after two long years of hard work I am more and more convinced to believe in success when there is faith, strong motivation, determination and self-confidence behind even a very difficult work.

I began writing the first lines of my novel in January 2008 since the basic idea was bred in my mind, but then I quit writing it for I was blogging, studying and working to afford my life expenses.

In early 2009 I found a job in a bookstore ‘as a librarian’ when I was attracted towards literature, and then in the same year while studying cinema and I could not fund my short films, it was when broken heart I was really determined first to complete my novel. Since then I tried to allocate the little spare time I had to write and wrote it bit by bit and then there was no more time for my blogs and it cost me my silence in blogging thereafter.

In spite of all its hardships with a second language when it is not one’s first one, I was familiar with English for about ten years; two years of studying, three years of teaching experience and more than three years of translation experience and writing several essays in English had all helped me advance my English level to be able to write a novel, of course it may not be the same level of a native English writer as I was not born and raised in an English speaking country, but still I did my best.

***

As the title of the novel is not finalized, neither the publisher is specified yet, I wouldn’t say much about the outline, rather I would only say what kind of book it is and why it is worth mentioning about it here and now in advance –before it is published.

First I should thank Khaled Husseini who with his “The Kite Runner” broke the long-time taboo of talking about prohibited issues, hidden truths and untold stories in Afghanistan that were for long considered as ‘against “the fake” fragile national unity’, and he opened the way for the other emerging authors on stories of such kind.

My novel completes what Khaled Husseini had not reached to, in his novel “The Kite Runner”.

“The Kite Runner” with all its success, had just touched roughly a part of the existing harsh realities in the country but not uncovered it fully and many questions remained unanswered while in mine one I crossed the red-line borders and depicted all those untouched issues for my readers; the hidden layers of the long Hazara- Pashtoon conflicts in Afghanistan based on the existing and historical realities.

In a short saying my novel is a more completed and a more- in-depth version of Khaled Husseini’s and the good point is that; it is written by a Hazara Author, a remainder of the historical mass massacre of the Hazaras in Afghanistan thus it has its originality! It is written in a first person protagonist and in English of course.

You will read how a mass massacre and slavery affected the lives of four generations of a minor ethnic ‘the Hazaras’ through passage of time in Afghanistan and how a man struggles first to survive and then stand to save his nation.

Afghanistan is still the land of contrasts and you can find different images - in -contrast in this country and it is worth knowing a country more thoroughly by a good novel.

My work is a novel, a fiction work, partly inspired by the lives of real people but is built up and mixed with fantasy elements, imaginations and is nourished by the help of historical facts, evidences and existing realities in our society.

By reading my novel ‘that doesn’t have a definite title yet’, you will be traveling to the real Afghanistan through forty years of life of the protagonist, sixty years of lives of his forefathers and will be feeling yourself a part of it, a part of the history of humanity on a part of the globe which is on the top of headlines of media of the world again these days.’
With this novel, I let you see the world through Chinese-like little eyes of a Hazara.

The story begins in Afghanistan of 1960s and flashbacks to 1920s and then comes back and continues until 1990s all in Afghanistan. Then Pakistan is the location and then Italy and finally another Imaginary Land and then finishes back in Afghanistan of 2014 with a happy ending.

It is to add that, this novel is a strong potential for adoption into a major motion picture.

***

If you follow my blogs and my Face Book postings, you will know about it more, the soon there will be accords on its publication and distribution dates.

If you have read ‘The Kite Runner’ and liked it, I should say, definitely reading this one is a must!

The USA, Canada, the UK and Australia will be the first four countries my novel will be distributed in.

In advance,
With love,
From the core of my heart,
I send my salutes
To all my readers!

M. Amin Wahidi

CLICCA QUI per la versione italiana di questo articolo

Pronto per essere pubblicato dopo due lunghi anni di duro lavoro

2010-09-16T02:57:00.000-07:00

foto da Cosimo Filippini

"C'era una volta un tempo in cui regnava l'amore ma contro di esso si scagliava l'odio, c'era amicizia ma contro di essa si alzavano le armi dell'inimicizia. C'erano uomini in lotta contro il destino trasportati dalle onde dell'esistenza. C'erano puri e buoni ricordi a scontrarsi con tempi difficili e verità crudeli. C'era sete di potere ma ancora si sceglieva di perdonare. C'era il buio del disinganno ma al contempo si sperava ancora in un' alba lucente. C'erano lamenti e risate, c'era la guerra e c'era la pace, c'erano massacri e sopravvissuti.

Ma un giorno tutto questo cambiò, la crudeltà prese il sopravvento e la paura si impossessò del cuore di ognuno. L'amore fu sostituito dall'odio. Non si vedeva che sangue, il sangue di essere umani che scorreva per mano di altri essere umani più feroci. Fu il momento in cui il vento del tempo spazzò via amore e umanità e un velo nero scese a coprire gli occhi di ognuno. I bambini divennero nel giro di una notte adulti capaci di brandire un'arma e uccidere con fierezza mentre l'ostilità cresceva di giorno in giorno e le persone erano ridotte in schiavitù; la crudeltà non aveva limite!

Al crepuscolo era difficile distinguere le urla degli uomini dagli ululati dei lupi. C'erano soltanto sete di potere e ansia di vendetta e questo andò avanti per generazioni, finché un uomo venne a salvare il suo paese spezzando le catene della schiavitù e strappando le corde di Juwalis; allora di nuovo un segno di speranza tornò a brillare negli occhi di milioni di persone."

Tutto successe all'epoca in cui essere un Hazara era considerato un crimine nella terra che oggi viene chiamata Afghanistan. Io ho raccolto il tutto in un meraviglioso romanzo.

***

In questi giorni sto finalmente tirando sospiri di sollievo per aver completato una prima parte del mio lavoro: il mio romanzo è finito ed è venuto il momento di parlare con un buon editore.

Portare a termine un lavoro di fiction in una lingua che non è la mia non è stato facile. Tuttavia al momento attuale dopo due anni di duro lavoro sono sempre più convinto si poter credere al successo se c'è fede, forte motivazione, determinazione e fiducia in se stessi, anche dietro a una lavoro veramente difficile.

Ho cominciato a stendere le prime righe del mio romanzo nel gennaio del 2008 non appena l'idea di base si è formata nella mia testa, ma poi ho interrotto la scrittura perché dovevo curare il mio blog, studiare e lavorare per permettermi le spese di tutti i giorni.

All'inizio del 2009 ho trovato lavoro in una libreria "come libraio" visto che ero interessato alla letteratura. Nel corso dello stesso anno studiavo cinema e non potevo finanziare i miei corti. Divenni perciò determinato a portare a termine per prima cosa il mio romanzo. Da allora gli ho dedicato tutto il mio tempo libero scrivendolo pezzo dopo pezzo: in questo modo non ho più avuto tempo per i miei blog e sono stato costretto al silenzio in quel frangente.

Malgrado tutte le difficoltà di una seconda lingua, l'inglese mi è stato familiare per circa una decina d'anni: due anni di studio, tre anni di esperienza nell'insegnamento e più di tre anni a tradurre e scrivere numerosi saggi mi hanno aiutato ad innalzare il livello del mio inglese fino ad essere in grado di scrivere un romanzo. Naturalmente non sarà mai lo stesso livello di uno scrittore madrelingua, ma ho fatto del mio meglio.

***

Poiché il titolo del romanzo non c'è ancora e non si conosce l'editore, non farò una presentazione dettagliata ma vorrei piuttosto dire di che libro si tratta e perché vale la pena di parlarne d'ora in avanti, prima che esso sia pubblicato.

Per prima cosa devo ringraziare Khaled Husseini che con il suo "The kite runner" (tradotto in Italia "Il cacciatore di aquiloni", n.d.t.) ha rotto un tabù che per anni aveva impedito di parlare di argomenti proibiti, verità nascoste e storie non dette che in Afghanistan sono state a lungo considerate "nemiche della (finta) fragile unità nazionale". Egli ha spianato la strada ad altri autori emergenti con storie di tal genere.

Il mio romanzo completa "Il cacciatore di aquiloni" dicendo cose che Khaled Husseini non aveva detto.

"Il cacciatore di aquiloni", che ha avuto tanto successo, è arrivato a sfiorare le dure realtà del nostro paese senza però metterle a nudo completamente e lasciando molte questioni senza risposta. Con il mio romanzo invece io ho oltrepassato i confini della linea rossa tratteggiando per i miei lettori argomenti mai ancora descritti: gli strati nascosti del lungo conflitto Hazara-Pashtoon. Tutto si basa su realtà storiche esistenti.

Per dirla brevemente, il mio romanzo è una versione più completa e approfondita di quello di Husseini. Il punto a suo favore è questo: esso è scritto da un autore Hazara, un testimone diretto del massacro di massa degli Hazara in Afghanistan, ecco in cosa consiste la sua originalità! E' scritto da un protagonista in prima persona e naturalmente in inglese.

Leggerete di come un massacro di massa e le schiavitù hanno colpito le esistenze di quattro generazioni della minoranza etnica degli "Hazara" in Afghanistan e di come un uomo lotta per sopravvivere e in seguito si propone di salvare la propria nazione.

L'Afghanistan è tuttora una terra piena di contraddizioni dove si ritrovano immagini in contrasto tra loro. E' buona cosa fare la conoscenza approfondita di un paese attraverso un buon romanzo.

Il mio lavoro è un romanzo, una fiction in parte ispirata alla vita di persone reali ma costruita mescolandovi elementi di fantasia. E' arricchita dalla presenza di fatti storici e realtà esistenti nella nostra società.

Leggendo il mio romanzo (che non ha ancora un titolo) viaggerete attraverso l'Afghanistan nei quarant'anni di vita del protagonista e nei sessant'anni dei suoi antenati e sentirete anche voi di far parte di queste esistenze, parte della storia di un'umanità in una regione del globo che in questo periodo è sempre sulle prime pagine dei giornali di tutto il mondo. Con questo romanzo, vi mostrerò il mondo attraverso gli occhi a mandorla di un Hazara.

La storia ha inizio nell'Afghanistan degli anni '60 del Novecento, con dei flashback negli anni '20 e continua a partire dagli anni '90, sempre in Afghanistan. Poi la scena si sposta in Pakistan e in Italia e infine in una Terra Immaginaria per poi tornare nell'Afghanistan del 2014 con un lieto fine.

Bisogna aggiungere che il romanzo si presta fortemente a essere d'ispirazione per un film lungo.

***

Se seguirete il mio blog e i miei commenti su Facebook potrete saperne di più non appena ci saranno accordi per la pubblicazione e date di distribuzione.

Se avete letto "Il cacciatore di aquiloni" e vi è piaciuto, posso dirvi che leggere il mio romanzo è quasi un obbligo!

Il mio romanzo sarà distribuito per prima cosa negli Usa, in Gran Bretagna e in Australia.

In anticipo, con amore, dal profondo del mio cuore un saluto a tutti i miei lettori!

Amin Wahidi

CLICK HERE for English Version of this post

I am going to hate the city

2009-12-17T07:02:00.000-08:00

When someone screams and finds no one hears, he is lost in the grandeur of his surroundings, the big city full of attractions and no hearts in them.

As big as the city gets that small the human beings become, he thinks then.

The big the city gets that small the hearts of human beings become. A city, a big city with its all attractions can easily isolate a man throwing him on a little part of it.

For long I did not have time to sit aside with my heart and talk for a while until today, when I had allocated sometime for it.

It was all because of the city that makes me run in it, here there so I got distant from my heart. So far running, rushing I have lived for the city but from now on, I would reduce the running hours to let me live for myself, for my heart, not for the city and its attractions, in order not to leave my heart but to live with it.

I woke up from a long sleep when I saw something on the road among the crowd. Just it was that day when I found a piece of heart on the road.

Yeah, I dreamed it, but as it was something real.

It was when an object shined on the road, in the middle of crowds, for me it seemed like a red apple, and for a while, for a short time I thought to have found my lost red apple, the one I was looking for to obtain it back, but when I approached it, I found it a piece of heart being thrown, but still throbbing slightly on the rocky stony road where being mashed under the feet of men, the uncaring creatures crossing the road.

Then the next day, after that dream I really found one the same type that I had dreamed, on a real road when rushing in the city. First I didn’t, but then I cared about it. I stopped to see it better.

As I opened my eyes better, there around me I saw more of them, as if growing one after the other on the road, but the people around, no one cared about, as if they were all blind, mad or senseless or as if no one had seen something as important as a piece of heart.

Therefore, after that incident of finding pieces of hearts everywhere on the road, I then decided to get as far from the city as possible.

Since then I feel that I hate the city, I really hate it, I have to run away, escape from it. I should come out of its abdomen.

Yeah, it is true, I wanna refugee to a village, to a country side, to an open place where the purity of the stream would feel me, embrace me and would give me the flow, a place where my voice would reach to the canyons, thought I have never been to, except for short times.

Oh my dears, I should rather half me into two parts my be, like the red apple, yeah just like the red apple I had a few months ago, and keep one half here in the city with its all memories and remembrances and take my other half to the country side to an open nature, where I could shout and my voice would echo in the canyons and all living beings would hear it, and it would reflect back to me, as if some talking to me.

I would keep the second half here within the city, to remain in the grandeur of the city, in the city abdomen, being imprisoned by the rocks and careless people.

The remaining piece in the city would guard the pieces of heart on the ground being trampled by the men without any one cares or cries for them.

This remaining half of me would witness the juncture of pieces of heart on the ground under the feet of men that could happen one day soon.

Within the glorious city these days as higher the buildings are made that deeper the voices are suffocated, as more crowded the city gets that careless get the pedestrians about the pieces of heart being thrown on the roads.

Oh my God help me out! it seems as if the time has come for me to come out of abdomen of the city but I have to half me into two parts; take one with myself, and leave one in the city with the pieces of hearts, but the question here is; Which half would be myself, the one going to hear the echo of my voice in the canyons or the one remaining with the pieces of hearts under the shadows of the skyscrapers?!!

I, the Red Apple and the Doctress

Keep going on Qais, Do not give up!

2009-11-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

Photo from Kabul Press

As September came, a cold autumnal breeze entered into and touched inside my bones signaling me of the autumn, a season for separation; first the season themselves one goes and the next one comes,then begins the separation of leaves from trees and the separation of friends from friends. It got colder when November came then December is on its way with witness of snow and other occasions.

This November, actually these days, feeling so solely I remembered of a friend I never was friend of him neither he was of mine but I got to know him, after he was no more on this dusty ball, a friend I knew after he died, better to say after he embraced death by his own wish.

His name was Qais or is Qais, Qais Dehzad. Two years back, he did a suicide, one early morning of the same kind, perhaps a cold morning in November he was found dead leaving behind a letter as his will for his friends and beloved ones.

It is horrible though to remind of a sad happening, flying of a soul, but sometimes life pushes us to touch even up to the border of life and death or just to peep into the other world, that is when we remind of the ones who left us behind some days or years earlier than us.

When reminding such stories, sometimes fear takes over, but if we see the end of the story, there is no way, soon or later every one has to depart for the same destination to join their ancestors though the routs differ one from the other, remembering this fact, then fears fly away instead of soul flies.

People like Qais, may have been so much aware of facts on this dusty ball that we are unable to see and feel them or perhaps they have darken their world by their own hands, no one really knows except God.

The reality is that life is hard in itself thus every one may have his own problems and difficulties of any type and the only way to experience it is to live, have more patience, breath to keep going on and to fight with the difficulties until you reach to the last moments.

Last year, I translated his "Will" and wrote some lines about him that comes in the following.

24/1/2008

How poetic he flew and left all his friends alone!

How difficult was it for him, but he did it. How disappointed he was in this world, but he succeeded to fly up happily and by his own wish.

Hearing about Qais e Dehzad, I assume every one's heart would throb for him who knew him and who was familiar with his characteristics and his activities for the youth of his society.

I assume it might be late although to write about him now, but I couldn't take it easy when I know more about him even though very late.

It was once in mid August last year, I saw him in an event but yet we were not friends.

****

Some three months after that event, when I had already left my home country, suddenly one day, I saw somewhere in the internet a very sad news headline" Eventually Qais e Dehazd has left us as well! " seeing the photo, I knew it was him but I didn't know how and why this young poet died and nothing else I could do except praying for him to Allah, that was some two and half months ago.

****

Again these days I was searching in the internet, when I found that his death was a suicide. A willingly suicide that he did to be free as said by in his will! How horrible it is when someone commits a suicide I thought, sometimes it confuses us when some body does a suicide and it may seem totally fool or nonsense for us but he might have reached to the end I assumed.

He was a young poet, writer, human rights activist and vice president of a cultural Foundation in Kabul called Bonyad e Arman Shahr "The Ideal City Foundation".

I was more curious to read more about this recently deceased* young Afghan poet- writer and reading some pages about him written by his colleagues, friends, lovers and some other poets and writers I then recognized him better what kind of person he was, but unfortunately it was too late.

There are three things that make me interested to write these lines about him; first to let the people of the world know why a young Afghan poet committed suicide and finished his life, the second reason is the difference between his Ideology for a suicide and the ideology of the other suicide bombers who kill many innocents along with them through terrorist attacks and the third thing is some of the similarities of my own ambitions with his which he didn't succeed in his life regarding what we can contribute to our generation, to our country and then to the world.

****

His "will" that describes his reasons for a suicide, was published in some blogs and websites in Dari Language then I thought the only thing I could do for him was to translate his "will" into English and post it in my blog for the readers of my blog.

Quoted by his close friends, he was partly palsy after receiving a apoplexy* just one week before he does the suicide.

****

Below is the translation of Qais e Dehzad's "Will", the young Afghan poet, writer and cultural activist who did suicide in November 25 2007 with open eyes and very thoughtfully after he thought that he is not going to be very useful for his people, but not ignorantly like the blind Taliban who do suicide and take the lives of other innocents too.

His "Will"

Minutes before walking towards his death, he picked a pen and wrote all these:

“Crying is Haram (prohibited) on my death. Any one wants that my soul* would be peaceful should take a pen and fulfill* the goals I had. I do suicide and kill myself to criticize all those who do suicide to take the lives of the others and thus I want my family to bury me with the same cloths I am wearing just right on the way of the latest innocent who is martyred by the suicide attackers.

I ask them to bury me very late at night so there should not be traffic jams and problems for other people, so that my death would put a full stop for the people who do suicide ignorantly to kill the other innocent human beings.

I do suicide to defend the poor and to tell the international community to take care of them and that there should be no borders in the world in between the men of different lands. I ask the most expensive or the richest football player of the world to help the poor of Afghanistan, India, Pakistan, Iraq and Palestine.

I do suicide to shake the world of Islam and to criticize on its people that why they do not fight against ignorance, illiteracy and poverty.

I want Saudi Arabia to allocate all of the benefits of this years "Haj program" for a bank that would feed the poor of Afghanistan and makes them houses and shelters, and I want all the Afghans not to go to the Hajj until there is no poverty in their vicinity, until they do not demolish injustice and brought social justice welfare in their country.

I hang me doing a suicide to show my solidarity with the women movements and to tell the world to stop hanging executions.

To tell the world to stop torturing in the prisons, I do suicide.

I hang myself to show my correlation to the people who have been oppressed and no one have ever rescued them.

I am fed up with injustice, administrative corruption, oppression, discrimination, racism and NGOism* I hang myself and through this way, not humbly but proudly give my message to the whole world that it is enough, no more fights, no more killing of human beings ,stop all these bloodshed!

By hanging myself, I want to tell Bush, Condoleezza Rice, Ahmadi Nejaat and other leaders of the world to stop investment on nuclear weapons that takes the lives of humans instead invest on the culture of peaceful living, eliminating the borders in between countries and eliminating the illiteracy and poverty in the world.

To criticize the forced marriages, paying BAD* (BAD*:a tribal tradition of enforcing a girls to get married with a person in exchange of blood, when someone kill some a person, his daughter or sister will be forced to get married to close relative of the victim) superstitious traditions and thousands of other pains I have about the human beings with me, and to show my sympathy to the people who beg in India, who die of hunger in Africa, who are born partly disabled in Hiroshima*, who are born palsy in Shelimcha* and who beg in Kabul streets, which I can not tolerate anymore I hang myself.

And I hope my friends continue my works and my activities in Bonyad e Arman Shahr. ( The Ideal City Foundation) I want Ms. Zhelaa Bani Yaqoob and Mr. Jaadi Merani my best friends to assist my other best friend Guesu Jahangeri and I want all other firends and collegues while I can not write their names as grudge and my emotions enables me to do so, to fight against injustice, ignorance and illiteracy.

I want my brother Sayed Merwais Dehzad to follow the Shahnaama reading programs with instruction of Ms. Jahangeri and cooperation of Qadeem, Shoala,Ms Diana Saqib,and Ms Veda Saghari.

And I don't want that many mullahs attend on my funeral prayer and I don't want any Holly Quran reading ceremony for me, they should not put me shroud on and they should not make types of food on the funeral ceremony so that my death would create a new page of a new culture so that on one's death ceremony there should not be many kinds of food while there are many hungry and poor people begging on the streets.

I don't want to make traffic because of my funeral, because I want to finish the luxe* and fashionable funeral ceremonies that has become a part of our daily culture of nowadays.

The person who did the funeral prayer for Mr. Alemi in Qom, I want him to do my funeral prayer, whether at home or any where he prefers.

I hope other scholars would struggle against, illiteracy, ignorance, superstitions, nonsense traditions, forced marriages, suicides and self burnings and would work and invest their time on instructive lessons for the people.

I do suicide to show my sympathy to the Dolphins* that did suicide in group because of the oppression of the human beings.

I do suicide to say no need for World War 3!

I do suicide that my family, relatives and my people stand against all those problems that force a human being to hang himself.

I suicide so that no mother would quit her daughter as Zohra* did to her innocent daughter, and no father would witness his daughter without mother, as I did.

I hope my death will finish the culture of divorce* in Islam so that there should be a never ending commitment in between the married spouses.

I ask Ms Jahangeri* to say my words to the people of my land and then to the world and tell to my mother that crying is Haram (prohibited) on my death.

I ask Guesu Jan to take the responsibility of Nastaran (my 6 years old daughter) and bring her up as you, a brave, intellectual, hardworking and struggling woman to fight for human rights

I kiss the hands of my mother and my father, the hands of my brother and the face of Nastaran Jan to forgive me for what I am doing, and I wish they do not cry after me at all, that is it.

I just want every member of my family to live as the men of the history as always they did up to now, they should avoid fighting, instead they should try more and more for education, knowledge, professionalism and fulfill my goals so to make my soul happy.

I want my friends in KASHANA* to establish their student movement as soon as they can and some one should be my successor to speak instead of me.

I correlation with* those who do not have a shelter, who have been oppressed with, who have been discriminated ethnically or racially I hang myself.

I want my friends in Bonyad e Arman Shar to assist Ms Bakhtari with her programs about Maulana (The great Rumi), and send her the list we (I, Mr. Amini and Ms Jahangeri) made.

I have written the programs which are all in my computer and I hope you will all give hand to each other to conduct them. I hope Kaka Noor, would train good researchers for the Afghan society by conducting his research methods trainings in Bonyad e Arman Shahr.

I thank Guesu Jan for all she has done for me and I have learnt many things form her.

I thank Zhela Jan, who has assisted me a lot and hope that she keeps cooperating with Bonyad e Arman Shahr, and I do defend your women movement this way.

I thank Mr. Ibrahim Yazdi who promised to give me some books. I hope Ms Jahangeri follow it up and built the library I had in mind, with the help of my brother Merwais Jan, this way they can make me happy.

Just deliver my letter to Shiekh Tavasol. My father is my proxy/advocate. I request him to allocate my land property of Behsood to Nastaran (daughter) and Zohra (separated wife). The other piece of land property I have from Mosavi Gul Tapa my father should give it to Nastaran. I wish my father tries a lot to nurture and train Nastaran and to keep my mom happy. I again emphasize that crying is Haram in my death.

Regarding Nastaran talk with Guesu how she can bring her up.

Oh, I forgot to say that I hang myself to criticize the predator private sector system.

I hang myself to show my sympathy to my dear daughter who is suffering without mother and to say that I can not tolerate that someone dies in Africa, in India or in Iraq how would I tolerate to see my dearest ones dies before my eyes.

Yes, I am a man who hasn’t slept for three day and nights and has been thinking about all these. I wanted to write a letter to President Karzai to tell him about all these problems, to tell him that an advocate has received seven hundred dollars as bribe from us in order to release my brothers*, I hope my suicide would end bribery, oppression, suicide bombings, forced marriages, self burnings, discrimination against women, homelessness, The New Liberal Capitalism, the ethnic, religious and sectarian wars, superstitions, executions, torturing and all such problems.

My brother, Merwais Jan, you and dad both should take the responsibility of the children and keep working for Bonyad e Arman Shahr so that to fulfill my goals.

I kiss your hands, my mother Gulali Habib that you cried for me from the core of your heart, I respect you a lot Mrs. Habib!

I should not forget that I hang my self to object on turning off the microphones of women in the parliament.

I do suicide to struggle against injustice and inequality that exist in this world while I want to say that we have not been able to introduce Islam correctly to the world and we did not do enough for it.

I want to say we need justice, brotherhood, not crusade and the geographic, religious and sectarian wars.

I wish some one would reach my voice to the world and let the world know that one person hanged himself for humanity, and defending the human rights.

Guesu jan, Ms Zhela jan, Ms Bada Paima, doctor sahib, Mr. Nadir Jahangeri and Ms. Safi nia jan, Maryam Atta Khorrami, Mr. Dawood Naji, Mr. Amini, Negah jan, Masoud jan Qiam and all other friends of mine, please tell every one in the world why I did this.

I wish I lived longer but sometimes non existence is necessary for a long existence. If I have fulfilled one of my goals this way, with this decision, I am sure my soul will be with you for ever.

While thanking I apologize all those who proposed to marry me. I apologize all of those who I promised to do something for or to find jobs for but could not do so for. I thank all those who had helped me and seek pardon from all those who may have been offended or somehow hurt by me or if I made a mistake to and I hope they will pray for me to God.

I wish Hiroshima takes three seconds for silence for my death because my heart has throbbed a lot for all disabled people, I wish people in Shalamcha* would pray for me because all nights I cried for the those who are born disabled. I want all the rich in the world would help the poor and I want the entire world be friends with each other.

I want there would not be any suicide attacks in the human’s history. I want every one would wake up and I want to shout that all what I was going to say is left, but my goals will not be buried along with my body, I am going to save the life of someone in this world.

I want all the Muslims pray to Allah for me, and when my grand parents Zahra and Ali (daughter and son in law of the holy prophet) welcome me in he paradise, it is enough for me.

I am to cry and I have sob in my throat, I wish I had time to tell you all my pains.

I am with you and I did this for humanity, for love and welfare of the humans.

I wish they forgive me whose names I forgot to write, Oh, I want Ms Sabarina Saqeb to take my message to the parliament to work hard and to do their responsibilities better.

I want to say to all the organizations or individuals who we asked for humanitarian assistance for our organization, no to give up your support to Bonyad Arman Shahr (The Ideal City Foundation) which is one of my ideals, I believe this organization works to bring positive changes not only in Afghanistan but world wide.

Merwais Jan, first of all contact my friends; Dawood Naji, Ruhulamin Amini, Diana Saqib and Malik Shafii to inform them about my death and then they would let the media know about it.

Take the car of Mohaqiq Zada and take me over night to the place I have recommended, only with a few number of people and bury me with the clothes I am wearing. I am again repeating that crying is Haram in my death.

I recommend not taking any funeral ceremony for me and only the person who has prayed on Alemi in Qom should read my funeral prayer, and there is no need for any Holly Quran chanting or additional fortieth day ceremony of my death.

Actually I did not renovate extend the expiration date my passport so that I was going toward the real Arman Shahr or The Real Ideal City.

My greetings and good bye to all humans in the world

Sayed Qais Dehzad

Click to read more about Qais Dehzad
Qais Dehzad 1
Qais Dehzad 2
Qais Dehzad 3
Qais Dehzad 4
Qais Dehzad 5
Qais Dehzad 6

Life is full of forks and crossroads

2009-11-15T06:06:00.000-08:00

The fragile life is very tender and sensible. This sensibility is easily seen when are on a fork, or on a crossroad on its map, especially when we are to make a decision to chose one of the ways.

Here one “YES” or a “NO” can change the whole direction of life; if this fragility is not seen carefully the outcome of a “YES” or a “NO” could be full of regrets.

Here you see, just a little word with three letters or two, could change the whole life sometime.

There are always forks and crossroads ahead of you on the map of life and it is you to be genius enough to choose the right path; in work, in love, in travel, in friendship, in studies and in any parts of life there are two ways to choose one.

Throughout your life, it may have been very hard for you to observe the real meaning of life as everyone has his own definition of it; the same is as everyone leaves for his own purpose though there might be many people who just live to take their share of oxygen that is it.

Not yet, you understand the real meaning of life, one said one thing the other said another thing, made you so confused, but as you many times faced the forks and crossroads of life, you have easily noticed only this point; you don’t know what life is but you know it is very tender, fragile and sensitive, that is it.

There are always times when you arrive in a fork where there are two ways in front of you to choose one, there is where you are two careful to play with your cards of “YES” and “NO” with it. Here a little word of two or three letters is worth a lot for you, for your destination and direction you are going to move towards.

Saying “YES” or “NO” how far you could go for instance or how different you could be then by either of the words. In fact there you play a gamble with these little words, you may win or lose.

Sometime it comes to your mind that the fragility of life is just a matter of time that one can be brought to an exam, where a word could play an enormous role in his life, what a fragility you think, how weak you are, you feel when you are a loser in this gamble on the fork of life and you may find you too far distant from what you expected you to be because of using a word inappropriately or not thinking about it carefully.

When you don’t know how to decide about it, which way out of the fork you have to choose, you may tend to take help of anything or anyone you can think of; here is when your mind is blocked and you refer to your head, scrolling your memory back and forth, refer to your heart, that is sometimes as big as Caravan Sara, and sometimes as hard as stone, you refer to the eyes and looks of the person you loved the most to take help choosing the right path on the fork, you refer to the blinks of the stars in the dark sky, the ones once you marked them to be your friends at nights of loneliness, you refer to what so ever you think of to help you make the right decision and finally you decide; you may be right or wrong then, but it is done already and something would happen then.

Latter after it, you may blame yourself for why you did it, why you made a blind decision to move on a path of life if you had mistaken, but better would it be to keep going on with what so ever has happened. Even if wrong, you did right, even if making a mistake, still you proved your existence; that you still exist to decide no matter if right or wrong.

Or you may come to blame the world, or to make fun of it, what a funny world it is, only a little word could change the entire life of a human being?! What a game it is being played with the humans?!

May be here you come to know the importance of you, and you come to know there is no need to blame you for making a wrong decision, but you also come to know that the whole life is ahead of you to make mistakes and learn, and another secret you get to know is that, there is a proportion between you and the world outside of you. As you get nearer to the world, you may get distant from yourself, then again you would be on another fork to choose which one; as a result not to lose yourself, not to give up, you choose to get distant from the world to be yourself and since then although you may seem to be moving to the opposite side of the normal stream, but you remain happy to remain yourself then.

It is the loneliness that gives you time to study yourself and think deeply.

At the end you may have fear of the unknowingly happenings, but then only liberation is to save you, and you already liberated yourself from uncertainty and you can bear the consequences as well, that is it.

Keep smiling!

2009-11-13T16:02:00.000-08:00

How much it costs you to smile once?

“Nothing.”

And how much it is worth when you smile?

“A lot, even a world, even a life.”

Then why don’t you begin each day with smile to profit with the deal of “with no costs is worth a lot.”

So let’s smile for ourselves and for the others and let’s let the others smile, this way, with a smile let’s blossom like flowers and define the world differently.

Let’s forget that for long we had forgotten to smile.

With a smile, let’s grow up once again with a smile let’s plant the seed of hope into the heart of the others.

With a smile let’s cover our sadness and not transfer to the others the burden of the pains and sorrows each of us carry in our own hearts.

With a smile let’s make a silence full of unspoken words through which only hearts are put in contact via the links of dazzling looks of eyes.

With a smile let’s surround our world with tenderness and protect us from aggressiveness.

With a smile let’s alter badness into goodness, with a smile let’s transfer energy to the others.

With a smile let’s open a path for the ray of light, with a smile let’s open a window into another ideal world for each other.

With a smile let’s transfer sense and warmness into the other. With a smile let’s reflect the inner beauty we believe in.

Over all, when you smile you look nicer, and more important, when you smile you give me a new life, so please keep smiling so I would live longer with it.

Yeah, I am talking to you, keep smiling always this way at least for me if possible.

Funny people, funny world!

2009-11-08T05:27:00.000-08:00

There was sometime that hardly people asked for Alda Merini’s books but once the other day many people came one after the other and asking for Merini’s poems which were among the other poem books in a corner in the poetry section.

The night before that day, we heard that the seventy eight years old famous female Italian poet died on November 1st 2009, and thus the day after many people came to ask for her books hearing about her death on television.

In the library "bookstore", there is a section, that is filled with books or works of the recently deceased literary figures such as writers and poets as well as famous artists and celebrities of cinema, television, theater or music and as a joke we called that place the table of the dead.

Until a few months ago I didn’t know that it was a table for the occasions because no one had told me about it, then I discovered after Michael Jackson died on 25th June, then died Fernanda Pivano a famous Italian writer, journalist, translator and the table was filled with her works, then on September 8th died Mike Bongiorno and there were all books on him on this table and this time Alda Merini but not known who else will be died so the people would come to ask for his books?!

Here, on this piece of land, where I live, people asking for the titles of the books by the recently deceased authors, seems a bit funny for me, but I don’t know if the other parts of the world is the same or not.

The writers, novelists, poets live with hardships, in their own designed world to live longer after going under earth, but how funny the people are; not knowing the values of their works until they are dead. And when they are dead, bluff begins and every one cries after them, and then their remnants gets worthy.

As the death of an artist, an author calls people’s attention, towards him and they will begin to search to know him which in reality is crying for the spilled milk.

Wow, seeing this I thought, what a business it would be for a bookstore, “Let’s suffocate the writers to get their books quickly sold. It is totally a new idea in this funny world with funny people!!”

Read more about Alda Merini here

Laughing from the core of heart

2009-10-31T15:41:00.000-07:00

People laugh when they are happy some laugh when a funny scene is seen. Funny things happen and make people laugh. It also happens when someone is sad and laughing, it’s happened to me. It is when you pass a very hard time and an unhappy condition then you begin to laugh on your situation to laugh on your destiny, to laugh on yourself for a while.

It is when you are not happy to laugh but have left everything to forget them just for one moment of a very quick happiness, a moment that passes in an eye blink. It is when you laugh from the core of your heart in this short moment though you may be internally sad, but this short laughter makes you not feel anything sad in spite of all difficulties you have.

Here in this stage of life, minutes and seconds are counted and every single thing has its values for you and you know you are experiencing the real life. The way it should have been felt, experienced and lived.

It is when you are moving back reviewing the pages of your life in passed time. You come to another understanding of life, you may feel and things all your life time, as long as you have aged so far, you did not use things the way they should have been, you did not live the way you should have.

Another short laughter comes to you, you laugh again, this time harsher and again from the core of your heart;

you laugh for your own life when you feel regret in you, in how you lived, how things went with you. You do not see anyone to blame, it was you and you are made this way you come to the point. Yeah this is you, this is your life in fact and this is your direction to move towards on the map of life for that with no worries keep going on, do your best, it is you the way you have been, you are made this way.

You laugh again shortly; this time on your fate and destiny you may blame it.

In a real comedic situation, you learn it is the real life and you say to yourself, take it easy man, it is not only you this way, every one has his own story of pains and confusion to share but perhaps they do not have the ability or the courage to write it down on a blank page as you do, therefore.

Do it, write it down, this is the only thing you can do. This time you laugh on what you discovered; this is life, sometime happy, sometime sad of course. You have passed many difficulties and bore many pains and still breathe to live on. And you got as well, there is no way except patience and tolerance; no worried, this will pass as well therefore continue laughing from the core of your heart.

The joy of loneliness

2009-08-29T06:17:00.000-07:00

Today after some time I am here again, on this page, just check marking my presence on the attendance book of life and to show up and say that I still exist. To say that I still breathe and I am still strong, too strong to be myself.

I am still strong in my faith, in friendship, in struggle with life and in falling in love, as I was always but this time even stronger than anytime before.

Today once again, I am here, to show up and you would know that something is wrong and would ask me, what that is. Today you know that the bowl of my patience is pouring out as my sorrows had exceeded the limit of my tolerance, and I am coming here to share it with you, with my friends, with my best friends and with the readers anywhere in the world.

It was sometime, that I kept quiet, to be drown into myself, to get to know me better, to discover me in loneliness, where there is no one else, where there is no imaginations and ambitions that sometime blind us from the existing realities and where there is no fake mirrors. It is when one can find oneself easier. It is when one can throw out all what has inside and then judge it peacefully and tranquilly with himself.

There is no doubt, loneliness could result to isolate one for sometime, but what is obtained in this experience is worthy, likable and adventuresome.
With this adventure one can drown down into the depth of sea of fear where he could imagine it to be the end, the border in between existence and non existence and then can come out swimming onto the shore of rescue, enjoying the power and ability of doing it alone, which he may not have thought of once.
With this experience, one can throw all the fears, the phobia and panic of inexperienced and unexpected “what next”s away to climb the peaks of self confidence, to reach to the highest level of ability by oneself.
It is loneliness through which you find even the God easier.

It is long though that I suffer the loneliness, but it is nice to be by yourself sometime. It is nice to have a world of yourself. It is nice to be able and to dare to dip you drown under the sea of loneliness for sometime to find you better, to find your abilities better, and to see who you are, then you can come back out, stronger, better and with more abilities.

Yesterday, yeah, it was just yesterday, when the directress at my work said something that made me very happy, hopeful as if I was given a new birth.

She called me at her office and said, “Amin, I heard something and I hope it is true. I know that you are working hard these days, therefore you seem to be sleepless, it is seen in your eyes, however good, keep doing your hard work and we will support you.”
I thought that she would not know about what I am doing, but she knew, I don’t know who told her, but she knew about it.

Well, may be someone had told her or she has seen by herself, because it was long that I was collecting the papers that were used and had one side blank, whereever at work I found. She must have seen that, may be.

It was long that I didn’t have time for posting on my blogs, for going out, accepting the invitations of friend’s outgoings and …

I was just drowning into depth of my loneliness and doing what I thought would work out one day.

I collected the papers with one side blank, to use them when I was on my way to work, in lunch breaks and my way back home.

Some of colleagues when saw me doing this, asked “what do you with these papers?” and I usually said, “I eat them.” and some laughed and knew that I joked. Among them one really had believed when I told him in joking that we have a special Afghan food in which white paper is the main ingredient and he was excited and said “Wow, when will you invite us for that special food?” and I said, don’t worry, one day I will.
It was very funny.

However, the directress said that she heard that I was writing a novel, and I said, “Yeah, I am writing something but I don’t know what it is, let’s see at the end”. But she was serious and said, whenever you finish it, our publication would be the first one to publish it in Italy but I said, “it is in English” and she said, “no problem we have our editors and translators”, it was how I felt that I was given a new birth, I didn’t know before what they thought about me.
I don’t know when I finish it but it just planted the seeds of hope inside me.

Yeah, it has been a long time, that I have broken my connections and communications with the world of outside, except being busy with my own stuff that is writing a novel, my first novel in English. Though I am sure, it is difficult for a non native English speaker to write a novel in English, but I do my best to do it while I am not sure in this moment who will publish it, or whether will it be published one day.

In this loneliness, when I have lost my connection with every one, I just approached to one, and that is “L” Literature, with which I write.

Since I am filling my loneliness with “L”, the Literature I am a bit happy therefore yesterday I announced that I am getting married with "L" the Literature, and our first child would be my first novel in English.

I know as a result of my loneliness and cutting connections with friends, I may have hurt some of my best friends, but here through this page, through this window I ask for their pardon. I ask them to forgive me and have patience give me time until I finish the work. I will be back to you all but with something in my hand.

And I know that the loneliness has also a limitation. Not good to be always alone, not for a long time and not for ever but for a limited time when necessary like my case.

I remember sometime, when talking with a friend and she said, "how long are you going to be single, this way crazy?" and laughing I said, “I am happy this way, because I am free, my wings are free and I can fly like a falcon, and there is no limitations how high I fly, where ever I go and” but she said, laughing, “Do not be too proud of being a falcon, one day one, (a lady) would be found to cut your wings and make you a hen, so dont be too proud!.” And we both burst laughing.

May be she was right, as later I thought. May be I making mistake feeling that having some one in your life means that you can not fly high, may be it is the wise versa, having one could help better fly higher.

However, I have thought about it but I haven’t made a real decision yet to get married. I still feel that I am still young to get married. Only until some time ago, I felt that I was not ready yet to get married but recently I have changed my idea, but may be I haven’t found yet the right person for me, the person of the same genre of mine, therefore I am still alone.

Yeah, I haven’t got married yet and I am still single but I don’t know whether it is the matter of fate and destiny or a problem in me. I don’t know. Ha ha ha ha ha

I have lost and found my God more than fifty times!

2009-06-26T15:38:00.000-07:00

"Why human beings are so complicated sometimes?" Why are they made this way? Why are they so weak sometimes? And why do they need worshiping God? They are the questions that always bothers me and I asked many times myself why I was created this way but I didn’t find the answer yet, would it be better to ask God or the one who has created me, who has created all of us but no one has seen him or her yet. I am not sure, was it my nature from the beginning, or was it the surroundings that made me grow this way, worshiping God no I don’t remember and I don’t know it at all as I try very hard.

Actually sometimes it the blackness of blind nights when no one is around me to disturb me by breaking the fragile border of my loneliness, that guides me or better to say pushes me towards thinking about God. About the existence of someone who is always thinking about me, about someone who has created me and is taking care of me anywhere at anytime while I haven’t seen him or her yet as no one else did it so far.

Sometimes I blame myself for not worshiping enough my God, but neither do I know how to do it the best way. Is God only to be remembered when there is loneliness, when there is a problem when there is a peril or when there is a real dead-end?

Oh, my God, I looked for you everywhere, in the grandeur of the sea, in the depth of the night, in the crystal drops of rain and in the blueness of sky, anywhere I thought could be a sign of you as the only one, as the greatest one and as the creator of all creatures and you know where I find you finally? By looking for you in the strange places, I find you nowhere and I find you every where.

The people look for you in the mosques, temples and churches as if they don’t know of your presence everywhere as if they are unfamiliar with you or may be they are just in the search of only titles but not the reality of your essence.

Not only in I didn’t look for you in particular places but any beauties I saw, have related them to you somehow.

The beauty of the early moment of the sunrise, the rainbow after the rain, the tender drops of rain, the reddish color of the sunset, the blinks of the stars of the night are all for me somehow signs of your beauty.

Sometimes I find you in the beauty of smiles of a nice girl in Milan, who when smiles and her white teeth blink and her eyes spark in the eyes of the people looking her.

I find you in the beauty of the shape of a nice girl in Milan, and it is when I say to my self, “ Oh, my God, what an artistic trace you have created, and then I say, my God you made her when you had enough time to spend on her may be on a weekend, ha ha ha
And seeing that beautiful girl I come to believe that you are beautiful, you create beautiful things, and you like beautiful things.

Well, I know you since you gave me the senses, mind, feeling, love and sensation and then with all these freedom to think freely, and refer to you whenever I need you and wherever I find you, by all means, whenever I recognize you not by dictates of the others but by my own knowledge and choice.
Well, I feel lucky sometimes, that I know you, by your own meaning and by the power of the wisdom you gave me, with my own comprehension, but not by the force of any other person when I see whole system you created I really understand how small I am in comparison with those all, so I come to believe that you don’t need me to worship you as I am nothing in comparison to your power, your knowledge, and your grandeur, but instead I worship you to give myself a peace to give my conscience a relaxation and to have a judgment power within my own heart to control myself, to manage myself and then to achieve and maintain the real title you gave me; the best creature on the earth. That is all I think.

The others may look for you in the light of the sun in the day, but I look for you in the light of yourself even in the darkness of the night when everyone else is sleeping and everywhere is dark in black, it is you only entering into my heart with the ray of light of the sense you gave me.

I find you in the darkness of the night when nothing is seen, when no color is visible and distinguished in non existence of ray of light, it is you and because of the light you have, I could easily find you even in that darkness.

Some people and friends blame me of being infidel when I am looking for you in the strange places; in places where no one else would ever go to look for you, it is may be the way I have found you or have known you is different from the others for which I don’t care and I don’t have to care what the others say about, because the important is you, and you are the destination, while not important which way to reach to you.

One of the reasons I let myself to look for you anywhere I see beauties, is because I you have given me the freedom to select when you created me a free human with a wisdom.

Oh, God, I feel shameful sometimes because when I face with difficulties I come to remember you, and I say to myself why not always should I remember my God.

Well, I and should add this as well, when I make a plan to do something and I do my best, but then something wrote happens, then I say to myself, no God doesn’t exist, if existed then why didn’t help me out doing it the best I wanted to. When I come to deny you, or neglect you, the whole day, then I blame me of why doing this, but again at the end of the day, when my sadness finishes then I give me the right to be sad with you, as I don’t come to a logical point.

You know my God, sometimes I come to deny you when I see existence of many bad things in the world. Especially when confusion takes over* and I am mixed up with everything I say with my wails* through the depth of my hearth that why you don’t see all bad things in the world.

It is when I come to doubt you, your power, your justice, your ability and then at the end of the day, when I count better and relate things one to the other logically I again come to rely on you with a bit more carefulness and I see different evidences then I find out that well, I made a mistake to doubt you, to deny you which all because I lost my patience.

You know when else I get angry with you? I become sad with you when people misuse your name and your title for bad things and you don’t curse them all the soon needed. Sometimes it is when I see people commit crimes, kill people, betray to humanity and all bad things in the world and they legalize their actions just taking your name and relating all those to your name and at the end of the day , you don’t curse them, as you promised so.

I get sad, even angry with you, when I see all unjust and unfair treatments of people on the earth, especially by those who entitles them to be nearer than the others to you, and then I see, you don’t curse them and don’t demolish them, while I know and I am sure you are just, you are the founder of the justice but here I wonder where your justice is. I get sad with you when I see good people don’t live long, in the world, while the oppressors the dictators and the betrayers live long, well and with all comforts, it is when I come to believe that the paradise you promised may not exist for the day of the judgment.

Could I be infidel or not as may be felt by some of those who believe to be your most reliable believers but I say all these because I believe you are transparent and you like your creatures to be transparent , honest, and straightforward with you, so I am true and straightforward with you.

People, taking your name, do all possible bad things against the others and still you don’t curse them.

Therefore I don’t pray you five times a day, or three times a day as the others do, but I try to do things that you like and could be good for other creatures of yours.

I may not stand in public to show or pretend to pray you, but who knows how my heart throbs for you, who knows how I am searching you in every single good thing I see.

Others may only say but I do wish those things, for the others that I want for myself.
The others may look for you n public but I do look for you in the loneliness, where there is not a realtor or fake representative of you as a connector between us, but only I directly with you.

The reason of being sad with you could be of the freedom you gave me to be human along with the knowledge and the wisdom.

Oh, my God, help me always be the way you want me to be, always pure my heart and fill it with love, with brightness and with honesty so always thinking about you and always be useful for your other creatures, here is where I need your help, and the rest I do with the wisdom and power you already gave me.

And, oh my God, before finishing this writing, let me tell you about the most beautiful place I found you so far. The most beautiful place I found you so far is in the beauty of meanings of love and freedom, that is where I stop, concentrate and think about you and finally smile and feel happy.

خداوندا تو میدانی که انسان بودن و ماندن در این دنیا چه دشواراست

چه زجری میکشد آنکس که انسان است و از احساس شرشاراست

Life, fear, pain, rain and liberation!

2009-06-03T01:07:00.000-07:00

It had been ages that I was witnessing a conflict inside me, between two parts of my inner essence, but I always took it for granted and never thought about it seriously as if I had seen nothing. Actually there had always been a conflict between my mind and my heart and this game is over finally these days, since I decided to compromise to one of them and let my soul fly out of the cage towards freedom from all responsibilities that exist for human beings on the land. It was possible when the fear as and old companion of my soul was gone away.

I did it finally and am not regretful for it but instead am very happy. As I said, am happy for finalizing it because I am moving out of inner chaos and quarrels after discovering a new way of continuing and going on towards everlasting.

Let me describe and compare these two parts first and then I will tell you how I have overcame this internal quarrel and achieved my victory.

My mind, a part that deals with logic, knowledge and senses always feels responsibility to do things correctly, as traditionally it is the habited in the world for every one, it alarms me of dangers, damages, and risks and always keeps me in panic on the other hand my heart is blind and generous, doesn’t go on with logics or understandings it just moves where ever there is no logic, there is no knowledgeable senses but instead where there are feelings, sensibilities and emotions. It sometimes behaves as a headstrong little child and goes wherever it wants to, and sometimes it is really hard to control it!

So far, many times it has been misled by my eyes and I tried my best to stop it through interference of my mind, but it doesn’t listen to me and most of the time it doesn’t obey my mind, what would I do then, I didn’t know.

It was almost becoming a dangerous civil war inside me and I didn’t know how to cease the fire in between the two parts. I was almost lost in between and didn’t know which one to believe, which one to trust. Both had reasons, reasons of their own each and it was not easy to take part of one and condemn the other one. Indeed there was need of judgment, a correct judgment, but I wasn’t able to do it, or I wasn’t the correct man to do it, perhaps, I didn’t dare to judge it. However, my heart said one thing and then my mind opposed it and when my mind commanded one thing, then my heart rejected it and didn’t accepted, and I was a witness in the middle, just a confused witness, without anything to say, actually I didn’t have the power to judge correctly, so, on the other hand, I never wanted to blame one and praise the other, so I always had to hesitate and this hesitation slowly on made me slow, powerless and drowning into confusion.

In the middle of confusion I was eating finishing myself quietly from inside which wasn’t seen by the others, by the people outside but it was me, suffering it from inside and as time passed, I went deeper into the confusion that was driving me towards an illusion which could gobble me soon.

I had different choices then; whether to hesitate and compromise to the confusion and go finish, to take part of mind, to take part of heart or to release my self from both the heart and mind and take a new way of living but I needed some help to choose either of the options.

I knew that finally I was coming to choose the third one, but still I need someone or something to share this idea with and act on it, but I had no one neither I knew anyone who could help me figure it out, how to come out of this quarrel. At least someone or something had to help me out and inspire me, how to liberate myself from the heart and mind business and begin a new way of living; a new life may be without neither one!

Well, as usual, first I referred to God this time again, and I asked him; “Oh, my God, please help me come out of this business, give me peace and tranquility” and I heard God saying me, “When coming to me, first, clean your heart and listen to what I say carefully, and then think about it with your mind and logics and then come to believe them.”
“Ouuuuuffffffff no! I came to you to escape my mind and my heart and again you started to talk about these two?!”

As I found that what God commands me, is all about mind and heart and again there is a link between what God says and what my mind and hearts quarrels on, no I can not come up with so I have to avoid it. Well, dear God, I am not the person you are looking for!

What else could I test and refer to? Music? Could it help me come out of confusion?
Well, I tested music but when I heard the first music sound, it went right into my heart; it really touched the threads of my heart and made me feel a pain in my heart. It went through inside my heart and made it drunken. So with music I am not neutral either because I took the part of my heart, and then what happens to my mind as I promised not to take part of one? No I can’t make it either. It is not something that could liberate me from the long lasting internal quarrel. There is still something related to heart and mind in it.

You know what?! Even once I decided to blind me; to take my eyes out of my skull because I thought it is all because of my eyes that see things and my heart runs for them and fall into craze and then my mind berates it, it is when the fight beings. However I then didn’t dare to do it, you know life is sweet.

On the other hand, to escape my mind, I wanted to go craze and lose my apprehension, but I found that I am already insane and it is useless to redo it, because there is no need for it.

Well, I had to see other things then; I tested reading books, I tested walking in the park in sunny days, I tried saying funny things and laughing with friends and many more things but unfortunately none of them were a help to come of out the problem and cure my disease. Oh, my God, help me out! I am totally confused!

And you know what? Finally, one day, in a rainy day, which I first thought were a sad and a bad day, but indeed it was the day I got my liberation. It was the day when I learnt how to liberate myself out of the responsibilities, out of the panic of life, out of fear of being a human, out of fear of what happens next and what to do then.

The rain, as a messenger of liberation has petted me tenderly while loping from up showering on me showing me how to stream as water, and how to bring smiles to the lips of buds, now to green and the greenery. Very simply as simple it is, the rain told me of not to be afraid of what all exists in the world and just let it go, as it goes.

The first moment, when it began to rain, I was baffled not having an umbrella, as every one does when it rains, not knowing the mercy of rain, again panic came to me, panic of being drenched, fear of getting dirty, fear of getting sick, fear of appearance of the eminent parts of my body as my clothes get wet and stuck tightly on my body, but I was totally wrong, as always negative, while in reality it was not the case and I was misunderstanding it. Perhaps, by then, I didn’t know about kindness, freshness, cleanness and the generosity of rain until I really felt it by my own senses from very close distance when it touched me.

So, it rained and slowly on drops of rain went into my clothes, first it was a bit strange, then as I was getting wetter I was losing fear and I was thinking fear of what?
So, if I get wet what happens then? Nothing bad happens, it just gives pleasure, just for a while, I thought if I get wet then what happens? Nothing! If I get dirty with rain water then what happens? Nothing! If I don’t have an umbrella then what happens? Nothing! For a while I released myself in the hand of rain and I gained the pleasure of liberation, liberation of many “Ifs”, from many questions such as “Then?” and many nonsense self-made constraints.
For a while I thought why every one has fear of rain, why every one escapes when it rains and they don’t have umbrellas? just for nothing, just for a misunderstanding and just for not knowing how inspiring the rains is.

I let myself under the rain, opened my shoulders and embraced the rain with my entire essence when I was knowing how good it is, and it was when I really felt it, I really felt how merciful, how kind, how generous and how clean the rain is.

I remember the first moment that was a turning point in my new liberated life, how the first drops of rain drenched me and slowly on washed out my fear and took me into another world, into a new world, a new world far from daily lives with its daily problems, it just took me into another world where there is no panic of the day and night, where there is no waiting for what happen next and where there is no suspensions and hidden things. In a world, where every thing is clean, clear, transparent, flow, moving, streaming, freshening and inspiring exactly as the rain. In a world where there is no need to hide things and then feel regretful, there is no need to take time and discuss with consciences, because in such world the conscience itself is present and obvious it doesn’t have a disappearing essence.
As the rain washed out fear, it is like it washed all the sins as well. I discovered another valuable thing here as well out of rain that is the relationship between fear and sin. I found that fear always comes when there is a sin, so when one is sinful he is fearful and when one is sinless he is fearless as well, but just there is need of clarification and evidence for the presence or absence of sins which could be seen through the transparency of the rain and believing eyes.
I just felt that the moment rain fell on me and gave me the new feeling; it was as if someone gave me a new world, a new life and thus I discovered that a drop represents a see and when I could feel a new life by a drop of rain, why shouldn’t I live every moment of life fearless and as some say “life is now” then why shouldn’t I use every “now” of the my life mixing with each drop of the rain and why shouldn’t I get into the rain and become everlasting by flowing always. That is what I learnt from the rain and I counsel to everyone else who want to be ever-flowing as the rain.

It was an experience of only once, but that only one time was the beginning and now I am a good friend of rain and I always go under the rain when it rains. It is like the only best friend I have. Now on, I have strengthened my relation with it and I never miss it when it comes and now one can break this friendship, because I am a part of the rain now and the rain is a part of me, we are like one soul into to bodies and no one can separate us unless takes the life of one of us which is not possible either.
If someone kills me, again as I am rain now, a drop of mine represents my whole essence and that is how everlasting essence is made through such strong friendships.
And I am saying all these to those who are going to love me and be a friend of mine, I will run inside their hearts and give them the same feeling, the inspiration as rain has given to me, I will make them rainy as I am, believe me! And in order to believe me you just need to have a heart as the rain, a clean, a generous, transparent and big enough heart so that I share my feelings with you.

A time to compromise to my heart!

You know what? After the friendship and merging with rain, I finally discovered that so far I was always escaping from myself when I was escaping from my heart and my mind, as long as I went any where, at any place, they are the non separable elements of my essence and are always with me, and from the moment they are not with me anymore, I seem not to exist anymore, although they are the cause of my non-curable disease because where ever I go, it is with me and still I have to run from myself so at the end, I decided to remain how crazy I am with all my internal quarrels that is with every one else as a human being. But now as a result of friendship with the rain and liberation from the world, I am a bit partial and normally I take part of my heart rather than my mind, because I know my heart is big, generous and very clean as the rain that is it!
And if you want to try my heart, you can try it without any permission!

زدست دیده و دل هردو فریاد
که هرچه دیده بیند دل کند یاد
بسازم خنجری از جنس پولاد
زنم بردیده تا دل گردد آزاد

I, the Red Apple and the Doctress

2009-02-16T07:20:00.000-08:00

Suffering from “having no one to love”, that I already discovered as a problem, but I always took it for granted, a friend told me to go to a doctor and ask why I was this way.

By chance, I went to doctor, indeed to a female one; “a doctress” and in the first visit I found that this doctor is the one I was looking for to rely on. Seeing her eyes I felt that I am entering into a new world. And as time passed I got better after I found someone while looking to her eyes, I thought my imaginations were being realized.

Then without taking any of medicines the doctor wrote on the prescription only by visiting the doctor, I felt that I was getting better.

One day by chance, some one, a friend, gave me a red apple; a full red apple, as red as a heart. I smelt it and it gave me a good savor and a sense. Any time by smelling it, I felt fresher by its savor and as days passed the apple turned redder.

Slowly on there was no need to visit the doctor either, as the apple was good enough to make me feel better.

One day I decided to half the apple with the doctor, so to transfer my apple feeling to the doctor, as well.

When I went to the doctor for this purpose, she gave me the prescription and there was written on it; “an apple everyday, until you get better!”

As written on the prescription, I ate the red apple by myself and thereafter I eat an apple everyday but it is not inspiring anymore as the first red apple.

While I had already read it somewhere, “An apple a day keeps doctor away!” I didn’t go to the doctress anymore thereafter.

And now I feel I am sick again without the first red apple and the doctress!

Afghan Shiites Embrace New Acceptance

2009-01-09T02:44:00.000-08:00

Click here to read the full story in Washington Post

My world is totally white today!

2009-01-08T05:37:00.000-08:00

Today early in the morning you open your eyes and face with whiteness when you look out of the window in your room and find every where white. You see snow falling down and whitening every where.
What a world you have! And you always define it from the window of your room.

The first thing you do, coming out of your room is putting a pile of snow apart as a point to target with snowballs. You try hard but you can’t hit the target while you are tired but still you keep shooting snow balls until you hit the target, and you know that you are a dogged person. You don’t let it go until you hit it as all others things of your life; when you say something, you don’t leave it without doing it, you have to fulfill it!

It is very cold though, but not matter when you are warm internally, I mean when your heart is warm with fireplace of love, nothing outside can make you feel cold even if you are in the middle of snow because it is different when talking about love and snow.

The whiteness of snow gives you energy, warms you internally and then you don’t care if it is too cold. The first things you notice in the whiteness of snow, is its plainness, cleanness, being full of straightforwardness, full of truth, and white truth, without dirt, without betray, without lies and finally without darkness.

Falling of snow also reminds you of movement, a movement like migration, moving from one place to another but for snow, you feel regret to see it coming from a high and prestigious place down on the earth to be tramped under the feet of humans, who are sometimes very dirty and fierce. Who are sometimes without consciences, without feeling and without the power of correct judgment.

When it snows, sometimes you enjoy watching each snow flake falling down. You follow them one by one from a height until they settle down on the earth which is a resettlement or a refuge. The snowflakes fall down with different movements, and you never know where in what part they have been in the heights. When wind blows smoothly and takes snowflakes here there, you think of your own refuge, where you were, and how like a snowflake without having a choice to lead the direction of your life, you were settled on another land.

Falling down, dancing and smiling as if they are to bring something new like a change by their presence and of course they bring whiteness to cover the dirt and cruelty of human beings. By their short presence they color everywhere equally to show humans how to treat with each other, and how to be simple, transparent and clear in any surface and situation.

It shows you to be as white, as plain, and as honest as it is, and you should learn how to dedicate and sacrifice yourself for the others as it does; coming down to cover what we all make as dirt although it melts and die sometime later but still when they melt they go down under the earth to drench the earth and give a new life to the plants and other living beings for the coming year.

When snow comes heavily, you may see, some little birds without nests looking for food, but you think, life is a struggle and they have to do something to survive.

You may see the poor vendors are unhappy with the snow and can not sell their things but on the other hand you see some others have got a job to shovel the snow and clear paths, then you say to yourself; “take it easy man! It is life! Something is to be lost to gain some other things!”

You may also see the old alcoholic man is found dead somewhere near the central station, but still you say; “if old people won’t die, there wouldn’t be space for the newcomer or new- born babies, let some one die to evacuate for some others.”

While you wait for a bus in the bus stop, a piece of melting snow may drop from the tree into your collar and you feel a sudden cold on your neck, and uncontrollably you may say; “Oh Shit!” then you see you have no way and you clean it.

You would go and find places where the snow is not touched on the ground, to draw some figures and drawings and express your feelings; you go and draw something here, and then, another thing over there and then another thing a bit further and then time passes and you don’t know how many things you have drawn by then, you feel your feet are almost numb, and you can’t walk through the snow anymore with your torn shoes and you don’t want to go home either.

The time you have, you want to pass it with snow, and you want to be with snow as long as you can. Without knowing you begin to pile snow all together to make a snowman; with many efforts you make one finally. It is very similar to a human you see, very similar to yourself indeed as you look at it carefully. And as you finish its face, it smiles at you, for a while you don’t know what to do with it.

You get crazy! Kicking and destroying the snowman you shout angrily; “You human! If I were God, I would never create you!”

It is already night though but the whiteness of the snow break through the darkness, thus you don’t feel the night, but you are tired and have to go home. On the way, you don’t have to use your torch as the brightness of snow is your light. You go home, and you thank god, another day is passed.

You want to record your passed day, but your eyes hurt as you were with the snow the whole day and your eyes are tired and you can’t see very well. But at the end while you can’t see with your eyes, you write all these crazy notes with your insight to let the others know about your one day with snow, you close your eyes to pass the deam darkness inside your room.

Two sides of a coin?

2008-12-29T07:59:00.000-08:00

Look at the pictures below carefully and answer the questions:

What is in Common between Karzai & Berlusconi?

What makes Karzai and Berlusconi similiar?

What brings Karzai and Berlusconi closer?

Bravo! you are right!

The answer for all above questions is:

The passion for Fascism!

Escaping from war and hunger, dying under truck tires!

2008-12-29T07:58:00.001-08:00

CLICK HERE to read the full article / commentary in Afghanistan Long Tongue Writers’ Page

“Safed Sang” a new Afghan feature film in production

2008-12-28T05:59:00.000-08:00

CLICK HERE to read the full story in Deedenow Cinema Production Afghanistan

A chance for the emerging Afghan filmmakers!

2008-12-28T05:54:00.000-08:00

CLICK HERE to read the full story in Deedenow Cinema Production Afghanistan

Merry Christmas to those far away from their loved ones

2008-12-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas – Buon Natale

Eid ul Addha ( The Feast of Sacrifice) one of the biggest feasts for the Muslims came and passed while I am apart from my family, home, friends and I felt how difficult it is to be far from family and miss them on such an important occasion.When I couldn't say happy eid to my family and friends face to face, now I would like to take the chance of saying merry Christmas to those people from foreign lands who serve in my country and are far from their families at Christmas and the new year occasion.Merry Christmas to you all, who are reading my blog right now.And merry Christmas to you who is now far from his home, family and relatives but serving for peace, rebuilding and democracy in my country Afghanistan though missing your dearest ones back in your country in this important occasion, now being far from home, I can feel you very well.Merry Christmas to you all, who serve in the cold, mountainous and snowy central highlands of my country to keep peace and security for my people, al though you miss your family, country and friends in this occasions that only comes once a year.Merry Christmas to you all who serve in the windy, dusty and dangerous deserts of Helmand and other south western provinces of my country to keep peace for my people although any moment could be of death or life for you. Merry Christmas to you all who serve and patrol in the streets of Kabul, where any moment you could expect a bomb blast and could lose your life for peace, freedom and democracy for my people.And merry Christmas to all civilian and military who serve for peace, security, freedom and democracy in different corners of Afghanistan. May God bless you all and you will begin the new year with hopes and full of peace, security, happiness for you and for the people of Afghanistan.

Mohammad Amin Wahidi

Note:
I published this Merry Christmas message last year in Deedenow Cinema Blog, and this year I had another post, but a friend from the United States , has requested to republish it this year again.

Christmas another birth for internal refinery!

2008-12-20T08:15:00.000-08:00

The white drops of snow fall down dancing gently until settling on the ground. Trees and roofs of houses are wearing a soft white velvet cloth. Smoke or fumes come out of most chimneys and go upwards.

The Santa Claus is seen at the windows of some houses, climbing up with a sack on the shoulder to bring gifts as well as luck and fortune for the family members especially for the children. Although it is snowing but still there are movements in the streets, light glitters every where even in the little gardens of the houses which are normally not such beautifully designed. There are snowmen near the houses wearing the red jacket and the red hat of the Santa Claus. The city is full of brighter streets even at night and evergreen trees are being decorated with lighting objects, brocades and ribbons, as if there is something to happen. People are also different these days, more charming and cheerful than other days as if they have eaten something special these days!

The ones who have enough money buy a lot of things and show more generosity these days; and the ones who do not have money, may only see the things and may not react or may feel jealous and regretful for not being able to bye them. The vagabond street musicians on the other hand enjoy the generosity of the people these days as well as even the street beggars earn more money as people are more generous and you see the shops and markets have more promotional offers in their showcases, decorated nicer these than other times.

In the morning, there is more traffic on the roads and markets and bazaars are more crowded and overall there is a big change seen every where in the city.

In the parks and public gardens of the city, there are decorations and places for time pass and winter games.

Oh my God! Something is to happen you think; what could it be? Could it be a seasonal change only? Could it be just a simple occasion, but if so there are many simple occasions in the year which are not celebrated or prepared for this way, but what is it?

Yeah! It is Christmas! And people are doing all these for Christmas and the New Year; and they are all the appearant aspect of Christmas but the spiritual aspect of Christmas is a bit more than only such changes and happiness.

Christmas the occasion of the birth time of Jesus Christ, is another birth for the inner personality of each of us. Another birth and another chance to see and review our actions and what we have done and achieved in one passed year, what mistakes we made and what problems we had, how many people we helped and how many people we could but did not help how bad we were and how better we could have been and how to be better hereafter, all are to be reviewed and counted for in such an occasion.

Christmas as an occasion of happiness while at the same time, a chance of privacy with our consciences to see and review or check and balance what we have done in the passed twelve months of the year based on which we would correct our mistakes and refine our inner personality and put it for judgment of oneself.

This internal refinery could be to see who we did not forgive when we could but did not, to see who we did bad things to but now regret and want to ask for forgiveness, to see who we did not help when we could so to help in the future and to see how we can be better humans in the coming year. Because there is always benefit when we start to stop the loss and as a quote from the novel The Kite Runner; “There is still time to be good again”.

Especially how nice it would be to make the other people happy, the people who couldn’t have or gain the happiness by themselves alone but with the help of the others; to make them happy is actually to satisfy our own consciences for having done enough good things.

Christmas as a happy occasion could be a time for scarification, for love, for dedication of oneself to the others by helping, giving love, asking for pardon, forgiving, understanding, feeling, removing past misunderstands, exploring and knowing better and reminding the forgotten ones.

Necessary to be mentioned, in Christmas and The New Year it is very important to restructure the architectural size of our hearts and rebuild it in a bigger size because each of us surely have made many new friends in the twelve passed months of the year, so we should have more spaces in our hearts for all those friends, then we have to renew the doors and windows and furniture of our hearts.

How good it is to increase our love to our best ones more than any other time in Christmas and The New Year; to give more love to the beloved ones and be lovelier for the adorers, and to ask for forgiveness from the ones who were sad with us or who have left us behind sadly during the passed months of the year.

At the end there is a harsh truth as well about occasions like Christmas; occasions remain and come and repeat again by the passage of time as long as the world exist, but each time, we get older and pass another year of our life time with such occasions, so how nice it be not to do things to be regretful for later and not to pass one year of life time meaningless and purposeless without seeing changes and betterment than the passed one.

Let’s be optimistic and assume Christmas and The New Year a positive competition for doing as many good things as we can so to have a better world full of joys for all humans.

Well, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you in advance!

In the middle of secret codes and invisible laws!

2008-12-20T08:05:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been actually in a place or at least imagined to be in a place where everything is hidden from you in suspicious ways?

Sometimes people find themselves in places where there are some fishy things going on around them but they can never find out the answer why.

Italy so far not only for me but also for many of my friends who share their pains and sorrows with me has been a place where everywhere you find fishy things going on against you but you don’t know how and why.

This is the worse situation in the society or in the country you live as a guest when secret codes or invisible laws exist around you, which are not written on papers but are felt easily as if they have been polished with vanishing cremes but you only see their effects always hurting you.

It is a very bad situation, where nothing is defined for you, where you do not know what rights and responsibilities you as an immigrant, as a refugee or as a “Straniero” (stranger for them) have in the host country which could be a light for you to look forward your current and future life with.

For instance if you go for a problem of legal kind, or for a work problem or for a health problem, no one gives you a clear and complete answer which is clearly written on a paper and defined for you. You are never given solid written information on something related to you and the reason is you do not have a defined identity here.

This drop by drop information sharing moves on and on, on repeated basis but at the end of the day you find out that except some repeated useless things, you didn’t get any correct answers you needed.

This unresolved question remains in your mind and you never find who you are here, what is your role and responsibility within the host society, this way, neither you never dare to share with the happiness or sorrows of the society until you have your defined identity among them nor you find yourself secure to build up a future for you; you just live based on day by day basis just as a homeless vagabond settled in a stormy beach without a sure safety and guaranty from the peril of the wild storms!

Still a destination to die for!

2008-12-14T10:52:00.000-08:00

IN an office on the third floor of Indonesia's immigration directorate-general in Jakarta, just across the road from the Australian embassy, several men pace back and forth in two high-security jail cells, like caged dogs...

CLICK HERE to read the full article / commentary in The Australian News dot com

Policing Afghanistan

2008-12-07T05:44:00.001-08:00

CLICK HERE to read the full article /commentary in The NewYorker.com

Even in Italy the mind of people is in their eyes!

2008-12-07T05:19:00.000-08:00

I am neither drunk nor dizzy but what I am writing here is reality which I have experienced therefore I want to share it with you.

Well, may it be or not good to write here my very personal experiences with you, however the purpose of this page is to share my personal stories and experiences with you through it.

A few days ago, there was a theatre in Milan, and I was invited there as an Afghan filmmaker, journalist through some of the friends I knew, but on that day, I didn’t have time to go home from work and then go to the theater, because I finished work a bit late.
The time was too short and I was just too tired and the way was a bit far from work to go home and then to go to the theater, so there was no energy to go home, take a bath, change clothes and then go to the theatre.

Well, I forgot to tell you that I got a small job by the help of commune di Milano after many months of joblessness, nevertheless, this work is something to pass time with and get some earnings as the pocket money to live with.

So, back to the story, on that day, it was about thirty minutes before the beginning of theater that I found the address and I was in my a bit dusty or dirty cloths that I with which I directly came from work, and I entered there, with the little invitation paper that I had, and said to the information point of the theater that I am invited, there were two persons at the information point, a man and a young woman. They saw the invitation paper, read it quickly and then looked at my clothes and then they said, lets see if this names exits in our computer, the just typed something as if I didn’t know anything about computer or so, and then they said to me, “excuse me, this name does not appear in the list of invites in our computer system”, it was strange for me that my name didn’t appear there as I was invited, I asked them to look once again, they looked at each other and then again pretended to type something as if I didn’t know what they would write.

Well this time, I was a bit angrier, and I asked, “Could you please kindly let me see, if my names exists there or not?” the middle aged man pushed the key board towards on the info point, and I press control+F to see if my may name could be found this way, and typed there in the blank cell, “Amin Wahidi”, ding the name appeared and I showed them that my name is right here, the young woman was got a bit red, but the middle wondered that, how this dusty person could find his name in the list in their computer, well, they said, okay, we may have made mistake to type the correct spelling or so.

To be short, then they were still doubtful if I was the person being invited or not. Therefore they asked me if I had a document of identification which I didn’t have unfortunately on that day with me.

Oh, there knife got sharpened and said how do we know if you are this person.
I was going to be mashed there while I got very angry and wanted to shout on them, but kept silent and said to myself. May be they are right.
I said nothing and picked that invitation paper to go home and rest then, when I couldn’t watch the theatre, so I thanked them and said sorry for not having my document of identification and moved towards home.
First I decided not to return, because it was too late then. But once I thought, may be they didn’t let me go in because of my style, my face or my cloths?! Lets see if it works this way this time and I changed my idea and went home to take a bath and come back.

I took a bath, wore my suit with a nice tie, put on my new shoes and then went back to the theatre hall but this time it was about 75 minutes late when I arrived there.
This time, to the info point, I just showed the invitation paper from far away without showing any document of identification or telling my name, I just gently said to them, I am invited here, and wondering and smiling both the man and the young woman without asking for a document or checking my name told me; “please go in sir!”

But for me it was very funny that they let me go in just because of my better cloths.
However, I was really confused, I was angry that they didn’t let me go in the first time on the other hand, I had to tell them, what they do is not right.
I was to laugh or to cry, I lost the time to go home and now it was too late for the theater because more than an hour was passed already.

I didn’t know was it because they were racist people or what ever but they really offended me and I wanted to revenge somehow.

I was angry and a bit nervous so I paused, smiled at them and automatically I showed my sleeves to them and told them, “No thanks, dear friends, I don’t want to go in now, because my sleeves want to watch a film now instead of a stage theater. Ciao ciao. And I went and watched “The body of lies” Redly Scott’s latest film about the CIA- Terrorism game in which Leonardo Dicaprio Russel Crowe are starring as well as Gulshefta Jan Farahani, the Iranian Actress has also a role.

Well this experience reminds me of another story that I heard long time ago during the secondary school, from our teacher about a poet who was invited by a king in his palace, but because he had torn costume the guards did not allow him into the palace. He went and changed his cloths and came back. Then they let him go in. When they brought the food for lunch, the poet put the food into his sleeves and loudly shouted; “my costume! eat! so because of you they let me come in.”

Before I didn't think such thing could occur for me here in Italy but hereafter I have changed my mind and I can surely say here also sometimes people's mind is in their eyes as in our own country, or may be Milano is the capital of mode and fashion so people have to be fashionable here! ha ha ha ha ha ha

Be evergreen.

Karzai has already begun to violate the electoral law!

2008-12-03T07:38:00.001-08:00

photo by Kabuldoll.org

CLICK HERE to read the full article commentary in Voice of Criticism

The Hazaras abandon the ANA (Afghan National Army)

2008-12-01T07:36:00.000-08:00

CLICK HERE to read the full article / commentary in Voice of Criticism

Possibility of acceleration in diverge of the Afghan Government

2008-11-26T07:16:00.000-08:00

Enter Voice of Criticism to read the full article/commentary by CLICKING HERE

The eight most threatened journalists in Afghanistan

2008-11-26T07:11:00.000-08:00

Enter Voice of Criticism to read the full article/commentary by CLICKING HERE

The whole details about Parwez Kambakhsh

2008-11-26T07:02:00.000-08:00

Enter Voice of Criticism to know more about Parwez Kambakhsh the Afghan Journalist accused for blasphemy, imprisoned for 20 years by a court in Kabul Afghanistan.

Will Bashardost be an Obama for Afghanistan?!!

2008-11-26T06:59:00.000-08:00

Enter Voice of Criticism to read the full article/commentary by CLICKING HERE

YOU SNOWY! A traditional snow trick in Afghanistan

2008-11-25T04:12:00.000-08:00

A tradition in my homeland which I have to write you about
The person who remembers his past, he always keeps things as signs and symbols of memories to be able to go to the past with and rewind pages of the past times and history and these signs can be any thing that reminds a good or a bad thing of the past.

As one of those signs, today in the morning opening my eyes, when I glanced to out of the window of my room I found everywhere lightly white. The trees that were once green in the spring and summer and slowly became pale in the autumn, today they were wearing a thin white cloth as it snowed lightly last night.

It snowed lightly yesterday in Milan

Yeah! Yesterday it snowed here in Milan and it was the first snow of the winter of this year. And taking it as a chance to remind my past and to relate what the Afghans did in Kabul with the first snow of the winter I went back to think about every one of mine who were and still are in Kabul.

Me in a muddy street of west of Kabul in winter 2006

I went once again to Kabul, like I did a few months ago, and this time remembering the winter of Afghanistan I traveled to muddy streets of west of Kabul which are terrible when it rains or snows in winter but I still miss them, however they are, thus my trip of this time was a bit further than the recent past; I went to many years back, which is not found again easily but rarely in seasonal dreams.

Well, it is very interesting to know about the tradition that is called BARFI in our language and it means Snowy. I think this snow trick tradition may exist in other cities of Afghanistan as well, but I am sure of Kabul only.

When it snows for the first time in winter the people play a trick with each other to win a little feast that could be a dinner or a lunch invitation by their friends and relatives.

Usually a young boy or a teenager puts a bit of the first fallen snow in an envelope and takes it to the house of a near family relative and gives it to the elder member of the house like his uncle for instance, saying that there is a letter for you, but if the envelope receiver doesn’t remember the snow, the young person giving the envelope quickly says; “BARFI!” that means “Snowy” indirectly means you are snowy.

A street in Kabul during the winter

But if the receiver of the envelop already remembers the snow, he says to the young person “BARFI”, and then the other members of the family blacks the young boy’s face with charcoal and sends him back to his house, in this case the young person or the teenager is the loser and their family has to invite the winner family.

When it snows for the first time in winter, early in morning every one tries to do the trick first, so you see young children or teenagers in the streets carrying envelopes with a little snow inside, going towards their friends and relative’s houses.

Some lazy boys can not maintain the envelope until they reach to the addresses, whether it is torn or snow is seen clearly from far away.

The boys who are awkward in this trick normally get blacked by their relatives and return home crying or shameful. That is it. it is a funny tradition isn’t it?

Well, this time it is enough to give information about “BARFI” that is a tradition among us and we like it but still there are more things to write how the Afghan children play with snow in the winter which I may write in the next postings.

By the way, now you are BARFI! And be careful that you have lost to me!
Wow! I won the BARFI trick against you all readers (especially the ones who live in Milan), I won it because I told you first about the first snow of this winter but I don’t know who will invite me for a dinner? I know there are hundreds of readers, let’s see, will some one invite me??!

Backyard of Centisimus Anus the community center in which I live in Milan

Why was Sayed Mustafa Kazimi assassinated?

2008-11-21T08:14:00.000-08:00

Enter Voice of Criticism to read the full article/commentary by CLICKING HERE

Will Karim Khoram support this project?!

2008-11-20T08:45:00.000-08:00

Enter Voice of Criticism to read the full article/commentary by CLICKING HERE

Hopeful for a better tomorrow

2008-11-20T08:16:00.000-08:00

Enter Deedenow Cinema Production Afghanistan to read the full article/commentary by CLICKING HERE

Message from a friend of Muhammad Amin Wahidi

2007-10-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

For all the friends and supporters of Wahidi, wondering why there have been no new entries in this blog, I'm passing along news that he is fine. He is still in Italy, investigating various options to stay there for work and school.

He has sent me several blog entries that I am helping him edit. They will appear here very soon.

Many people who have subscribed to this blog have not confirmed their subscription, so will not receive notice when new entries are published. Please re-subscribe to be sure you receive the latest news from him. He is in a difficult situation and appreciates the interest and concerns from all.

--Robert Maier

Who Stops me?!!

2007-07-05T02:38:00.000-07:00

Who Stops me?!!

Mohammad Amin Wahidi Director Deedenow Cinema

Launch of Deedenow Website is another achievement.

Preview of Deedenow Cinema Website

Now you can click http://www.deedenowcinema.com/ or http://www.aminwahidi.com/ to read more than what we have in our bloggers:

Deedenow Cinema is in progress day by day. The recent achievement after “Treasure in the ruins” we have is our website which is now launched and you can read in it more than only about Deedenow.

Before launching the website Deedenow Cinema had two bloggers one in Dari and one in English (the present one) through which reflected most of its thoughts and activities.

www.aminwahidi4u.blogfa.com Preview of Deedenow Cineam Dari Blogger

We focus dramatic arts and the free media in our website; cinema, television, radio, printing press and the updates of women’s progress in these arenas in Afghanistan.

Amin Wahidi Director of Deedenow Cinema is strongly committed to do more for Deedenow Cinema and more than only Deedenow for the others interested in Afghan cinema and media and press.

In our website soon you will be able to read about: An introduction of Deedenow itself such as;

About us
Our Products
Our current projects
Ready to shoot screenplays
Contact us

The Updates from Deedenow: Contains the latest we have done or latest things being done in fields of media and cinema of Afghanistan.

Free Media Reports: Here we reflect all about the media and press activists such as reporters, journalists, show presenters, TV producers etc who work in Afghanistan.

Tele & Vision: Television makes a big part of our lives therefore I have to write about the programs, I have to write scripts for the programs of the others and I have to make my own shows for televisions I work with. This part of the website contains: My own shows, Skills for producing TV shows, Programming consultancy, Weekly critics on the TV programs (of Afghanistan), The best shows of the week and People’s opinions (in Afghanistan) on television channels.

Afghan Cinema: Contains history of cinema in Afghanistan, introduction of the Governmental Department of Afghan Films, a database of Afghan Films produced up to now, a database of Afghan Filmmakers and actors, introduction of Private Afghan Filmmaking productions and articles on Afghan Cinema written by different authors.

Cinema and Theatre Schools in Afghanistan: Links of and Information about Fine Arts Faculty Kabul University, Academy of Art and Cinematic Educations and Governmental Department of Afghan Films

Talks and Interviews: We Interview with Afghan Cinema Activists about their latest activities.

Film Critics: Deedenow Cinema, Academy of Art and Razi Film House have film screening events followed by a friendly film critics table every Friday in Academy of Art and cinematic Education and those film critics are being reflected in this part of the site.

Your articles: In this filed external articles are accepted from different writers on cinema, media and press of Afghanistan.

Our partner organizations and productions: You will see here which organizations have partnership with us.

Available human resource for external jobs: Contains a database of filmmakers, artists and film industry activists who are ready to fill a job or serve on contract.

The Hazaras of Afghanistan: This part contains history of their origin, culture, heroes and famous figures and much other information on Hazaras of Afghanistan.

Photo gallery: Contains photos from Deedenow activities and other interesting photos.

Corner of my heart: This is a place like the corner of heart for the Director of Deedenow cinema and contains Mohammad Amin Wahidi’s very personal writings on different subjects.

The ever lasting tunes: Contains information, interviews and biographies of Afghan musicians and singers.

External links: Here we provide you the most important and useful links of Afghan websites and blogs on different fields.

We wish all the readers will enjoy visiting http://www.deedenowcinema.com/ and assist as with their comments, opinions and or critics they have on the articles and issues raised in our website.

Wish you all success and prosperity

Mohammad Amin Wahidi
Director of Deedenow Cinema

Deedenow Cinema receives licence

2007-04-22T01:29:00.000-07:00

Deedenow Cinema is licensed by the Ministry of Information and Culture and AISA

Licenses are recently issued to Deedenow Cinema by Ministry of Information and Culture and Afghanistan Investment Support Agency (AISA) after formal registration in these two organizations.

Licence form AISA

From now on we are announcing our practical activities in the arenas such as; production of films, coordination for international relations of young Afghan Filmmakers, researches in cinema and exchange of Afghan Cinematic experiences with other countries.

Licence from Ministry of Information and Culture

Deedenow which means A New Vision actually established o have new vision and new way of thinking on social, civic and cultural issues through lenses of cinema and is a platform for the promotion and expression of young Afghan cinema activists to the world.
The fields we are concentrating our focus in filmmaking activities are as below:

Human rights; women affairs, children and minorities
Post conflict lives and societies
The Hazaras of Afghanistan

When it is entitled to be the Center for International Coordinations of Young Afghan Filmmakers, Deedenow cinema is honored to play the role of connecting bridge between the Afghan filmmakers and the filmmakers of the world through bloggers, websites, correspondence, cinema study tour opportunities and international film festivals.

Amin Wahidi Director of Deedenow Cinema

Deedenow Cinema is led by Mohammad Amin Wahidi a twenty five years old Afghan Screenplay writer and TV producer who is assisted by his other friends namely, Reza Ahmadi, Hanif Elham, S. Jalal Masoumi, Masoud Zarifi, Ali Akbar Mohebi, Nasim Sahar Ganji and S. Zekeria Rezayee in Deedenow Cinema works.

Poster for " I am hungry mom!"

This year we plan to produce at least two films; a short fiction and a medium length which are ready to shoot.
The short fiction which is our first actual production was planned to be completed by the end of March 07 but due to lack of needed facilities and resources it has been postponed to the beginning of May.

The second film which is titled “Key for the Paradise” is a fifty five minutes which is also written by Amin Wahidi. For the second project we have the screenplay ready but we are still looking for international producers to produce it or co-produce it with us.

The screenplay “Keys for the paradise” has a very rare story plot and is about the last twenty four hours of life of an Afghan suicide bomber who at the last minutes decides not to blast himself for an imagination he finds.

It is to say that in spite of all problems and obstacles in filmmaking in Afghanistan Amin Wahidi as the director of Deedenow Cinema makes every effort to produce “I am hungry mom!” this year to send it at least to Pusan International Film Festival 2007 and Venice International Film Festival 2007.

We also hope this year we can find producer for our second screenplay “Keys for the Paradise” which has a sensational and controversial plot story that has rarely been focused on before.

It is worth mentioning that Deedenow Cinema has had a much closed relationship with the Academy of Arts and Cinematic Education and it aims to keep it continuous in the future too.

Does anyone hear our voices

2007-02-19T22:24:00.000-08:00

Does anyone hear our voices?
Young Afghan Filmmakers need your supports!

Deedenow Cinema, a private production of young Afghan Filmmakers, established to shape and presents an independent artistic cinema in Afghanistan.

Women, children, religious and ethnic minorities and victims of human rights violation in Afghanistan are the main themes and subjects of our filmmaking activities.

We focus on independence of cinema from any kind of pressure, influences, partisan and misusage to keep an independent artistic cinema in Afghanistan.

We are the youth, we know that we have a long way ahead, but fortunately or unfortunately we live in a stage of time, when there is need of doing something for.

We want to play a great role in the transitional period of our history when new and unaccustomed words are heard in our terminology but not understood, said but not applied.

We are not only living in the era of requirements and challenges of the new millennium but as an Afghan society with more complicated cultural – social ad tribal challenges of our own specific types.

The words democracy, human rights, justice, progress, prosperity are the terminologies which the Afghans are not familiar with but only have heard about.

In this way, there is need of many kinds of tools and mediums to brighten the minds the best of which is cinema; comprehensive and popular to bring great changes.

In the era of technology when the sky is easily touched, why can’t the hearts be caught?
Thus our motto is “Wanna catch the hearts!” based on which we want to connect our people with the world through our independent artistic cinema but with new way of looking at things therefore we have chosen the name, Deedenow which means New Vision in Dari language.

We believe that cinema is the third eye for human beings, thus things are seen differently through it, how ever our efforts are to show the others how things seem to us.

One part or one side of our activities are our people and our country but the other part which is a decoder of our messages to whom we have to communicate our message, our vision, and the way how we see things in the world, is the viewers and target audiences and is finally you.

Thus relying on the proverb, “the friend in need is the friend indeed” we have chosen you as a friend to open our heart before, saying that; do you hear our voices? Young Afghan filmmakers need your supports!

You have read our views and heard our voices, it now depends on you whether you do what you can do for us as a friend or not.

What we expect you to do for us is only:

Join us to see things through our lenses.

Visit our weblogs on daily basis to know about Afghan Cinema and filmmakers.

Send this address to your friends interested in Afghan Cinema.

Introduce us to the film festivals, film productions and film schools of your country.

Introduce our products in your hometown and homeland.

Give your comments on the articles and contents of our weblog.

Link us to your websites and weblogs.

Keep in touch with us on frequent basis.

Co-produce the screenplays we have ready to shoot if you can.

And if you can;

Kindly donate us new and or your second hand filmmaking equipments such as second hand digital photography and video cameras, tripods, lights, booms, camera lenses and filters, and any extra equipment that you have for the promotion of Afghan Independent Artistic Cinema.

Be ever green but don’t forget to visit us again!

How an independent cinema forms

2007-02-19T22:22:00.000-08:00

How an independent cinema forms

Since its birth in the late nineteenth century by The Lumiers, the cinema has gradually evolved in different shapes and forms.
By passing time, the cinema emerged to have the strongest and the most expensive essence; as a mixture of arts and technology.

Movies were first made to pass time and bring smiles and cheers to the people’s faces while they became the strongest mean to express one’s vision and feelings of his surroundings to the others as time passed, thus cinema became a tool for different purpose thereafter.

During the war times, the cinema could play the role of a tool of the campaign for the parties in conflict and is used for political propagandas of regimes.

When there is peace, the cinema could be a good entertainer, a good source of income, a good encoder of messages and a good conformity for possibility of any thing in the world. And again it depends on how it has been used which still depending on specific main factors which have direct influences on it; the thoughts and opinions of filmmaker from his surroundings, the targeted audiences and economy.

Cinema in its age of more than a century has had trends in different directions but predictions and foreseeing have always been main characteristics of it in all decades of its history.

There are filmmakers who make films of their dreams and imaginations and on the other hand there are filmmakers who in every step of filmmaking activities consider the target audiences choices and satisfaction, therefore they rely very much on economy and box- office. The economy which is a huge and necessary supporter of the cinema has a great influence on it in different ways which is obviously seen in the outcomes of the cinematic products.

There are, how ever, filmmakers in all decades of the age of cinema, who think independently and make what and how they think, they don’t care about what the others think about what they do and how the economy plays role in their work, they are only fond of cinema hating following the footpaths of the others thus they are all the time, seen to be moving opposite the mainstreams.

They are curious and tired of the normality and usuality thus they often think differently, and the others call them independent filmmakers, how ever their films are more specific audiences oriented.

It is not that they make films of what they dream or imagine about but in fact they make films of how differently they see the world thus they chose the cinema as their third eye.
Looking for one of those who think differently who believe they should influence their surroundings not the surroundings would influence them, but finally we found that;

We ourselves are one of them, thinking independently and making what we think.
This is how an independent cinema forms!

There we go!

2007-02-14T01:39:00.000-08:00

Poster for " I am hangry mom!"

Soon we are full hands with the first actual production of Deedenow Cinema “I am hungry mom!”

“I am hungry mom!” is the title of short fiction which is the first actual production of Deedenow Cinema after its establishment. The screenplay is written by Mohammad Amin Wahidi and soon it will be directed by him in March 2007. The screenplay after being completed by Amin Wahidi has been reviewed and certified by Academy of Arts and Cinematic Studies in Kabul who will technically support the production of this short film. “ I am hungry mom!” which at the beginning titled “Homa” as the name of its main character, is about a small girl who is looking for treasures in the ruin buildings of Kabul after hearing the tales of treasures form her mother. It will be filmed in Kabul and poverty, hunger, ruins and the war affected children are focused on in this short film.

It is to say that after completion, this film will be sent to the national and international film festivals.

Film information:

Film title: I am hungry mom!
Subject: Explore of a seven year old Afghan girl, who is looking for the treasures in the ruin houses in Afghanistan based on the legend she has heard from her sick mother that “treasures are in the ruins”.
Screenplay writer: Mohammad Amin Wahidi
Director: Mohammad Amin Wahidi
Length: 20 minutes
Format: digital
Language: Dari (Persian)
Subtitle: English
Producer: Deed-e-now Cinema Production
Production year: 2007
Status: pre- production

I am hungry mom!
(The story of a curious little girl in the ruins of Afghanistan)

Synopsis:

Homa is a seven / eight year old Afghan girl who lives with her mother and her brother. Her father has been disappeared during the Taliban regime and they know nothing about him since then. Half a day Homa goes to school and half a day she weaves carpet at home with Homayoon her brother. Carpet is the only income for their livelihood though her mother is infected with tuberculosis because of weaving carpet for years and years.
At nights her mother tells her different tales and legends and hearing them Homa goes to sleep. One night her mother tells her the legend of the poor boy and the treasure an ancient traditional tale. After she hears this legend from her sick mother, she decides to look for and find out the treasures in the ruins of her home town.
Finally she faces with different things that bring her memories of the years of war and Taliban regime when she finds different old and broken items from the ruin houses and buildings each of which is the symbol of different mementos and different stories.

Why this subject?!

Afghanistan is a country that has been under the focus of different counties of international community and foreign aids and this focus has been very widely spreaded out in the media and press of the world after the disaster of September 11th 2001. From the eye of a filmmaker the very important part of the focus of international community in this country is the very bottom layer of the society, or the hungry bare feet people of the citizens of the country. How these aids have affected the lives of these low class citizens of the society it is very important.

Despite of all these aids, reconstructions and propagandas there are still people looking for their daily food, there are still people dying of hunger and very dangerous diseases they faced with because of poverty and there are under age children still being forced to work to feed the families who have lost their guardian in the civil war and there are still ruined house across the country even the capital city of the country, Kabul. And there still four things that are very obvious even for a foreign visitor to this country and they are: Poverty, hunger, ruins and orphan children who beg or work on the roads.

As per the geological surveys being conducted in this country, the available underground minds and minerals are enough at least to feed the people and to help them in their livelihood, but when they all be extracted and be used for the well of the poor citizens god knows!

This is a question of young and old people of Afghanistan that where do these foreign aids go? How will this aids and assistances affect the lives of poor people of Afghanistan? In this story Homa a seven year old girl who has lost her father during the Taliban, is exploring the ruins of her country looking for treasures as has heard a legend from her sick mother about it; “The treasures are in the ruins”. Then she faces with some other realities and truths!

After this short film “Keys of the Paradise” is the second screenplay which is also written by Mohammad Amin Wahidi will be produced by Deed-e- now Cinema Production and that is about an Afghan suicide bomber who at the last minutes decides not to suicide himself. The Keys of the paradise depicts the last 24 hours of life of an Afghan suicide bomber Mullah who in the last minute decides no to suicide himself for some humanitarian visions and imaginations he founds.

Wish success for the interested productions / individuals who want to invest on such projects in Afghanistan in the future.

A cinematic Life?!

2007-02-13T22:28:00.000-08:00

Views of ruined cinema building in Kabul form inside and outside

A cinematic life?!

A memento of producing cinema program for ATN
(By M. Amin Wahidi)

Recently I am working on a screenplay the story of which has come to my mind just by a glance to a broken and ruined movie theatre building in Kabul Afghanistan. It is a memento of when I was producing “Chashme Sheshayee” a cinematic program on Ariana Television Network in Kabul, the time when I wanted to introduce the cinema halls in Kabul and I passed by Fakhri cinema which is totally destroyed in the war. I heard some voices form inside of the cinema hall, I was more curious to see what was inside so I approached the building entrance to see what is going on there. It just shocked me when I saw a family of five was living in the ruined building of a cinema as in their home. A little girl and a little boy were playing on the stage which had no roof on it. The father who had one leg was breaking wood for the fire in the samovar and the mother was washing clothes.
Another boy of them who seemed to be the eldest son of the family works with his father to earn for their livelihood as per saying of the parents.
They make tea at home and sell it to people by serving on a small cart near their home.

I really was confused, to cry or to laugh seeing this situation, but it was not only Fakhri cinema, which is ruined. There are many other movie theatres such as, Barekoot cinema, Kabul Nandari cinema, Maiwand cinema and Kote Sangi cinema which are all broken down due to the civil war and other crises, which one I should cry for?

Seeing all these I went to depth of my thoughts, why was this family forced to live in this building? When this building is going to be reconstructed? What will happen to this family if the building is to be reconstructed? And worse than that what will happen to the culture of cinema in Afghanistan if this ruined cinema hall and other similar ones will not be reconstructed soon? They are the nerve racking questions that jingled in my mind.
But finally I came to a point and that is rather than thinking a lot about it, I should name it (A cinematic Life!) and should write a nice screenplay on it.

Know us better!

2007-02-12T02:19:00.000-08:00

We are to develop our cinema and you are to be helped in your film projects in Afghanistan!

Deed-e- now cinema is a registered production that is founded by the young Afghan Filmmakers and cinematic activists here in Kabul Afghanistan. We provide you consultancy and advice for your film projects in Afghanistan.

The goals we have to achieve are:

· Conducting researches about Cinema, especially The Afghan Cinema and filmmakers.
· Producing fiction and documentary films in Afghanistan and the region.
· Working for development of Cinema in Afghanistan.
· Working for development of women filmmakers in Afghanistan.
· Working for promoting the family movie going in Afghanistan.
· Playing the role of a bridge between Afghan Filmmakers and foreign filmmakers.

Products and services:

Writing and adapting scenarios (mostly Afghanistan related stories) including film story plots and full screenplays (mostly for festival based films)
Coordination of filmmaking equipments and filming locations for foreign film projects in Afghanistan.

Providing advice and consultancy for the foreign filmmakers who want to have film projects in Afghanistan.

Sketching story boards for films by professional designers and illustrators

Contact persons:
Mohammad .Amin Wahidi
Director of Deed-e-now Cinema (production) ® Kabul Afghanistan
Dari weblog: www.aminwahidi4u.blogfa.com
Email: aminwahidi@yahoo.com
È (0093) 70221352 - (0093) 777302005)

Contact us for your film projects in Afghanistan and support us for the promotion of Afghan Cinema.