Keep smiling!

How much it costs you to smile once?

“Nothing.”

And how much it is worth when you smile?

“A lot, even a world, even a life.”

Then why don’t you begin each day with smile to profit with the deal of “with no costs is worth a lot.”

So let’s smile for ourselves and for the others and let’s let the others smile, this way, with a smile let’s blossom like flowers and define the world differently.

Let’s forget that for long we had forgotten to smile.

With a smile, let’s grow up once again with a smile let’s plant the seed of hope into the heart of the others.

With a smile let’s cover our sadness and not transfer to the others the burden of the pains and sorrows each of us carry in our own hearts.

With a smile let’s make a silence full of unspoken words through which only hearts are put in contact via the links of dazzling looks of eyes.

With a smile let’s surround our world with tenderness and protect us from aggressiveness.

With a smile let’s alter badness into goodness, with a smile let’s transfer energy to the others.

With a smile let’s open a path for the ray of light, with a smile let’s open a window into another ideal world for each other.

With a smile let’s transfer sense and warmness into the other. With a smile let’s reflect the inner beauty we believe in.

Over all, when you smile you look nicer, and more important, when you smile you give me a new life, so please keep smiling so I would live longer with it.

Yeah, I am talking to you, keep smiling always this way at least for me if possible.

Funny people, funny world!

There was sometime that hardly people asked for Alda Merini’s books but once the other day many people came one after the other and asking for Merini’s poems which were among the other poem books in a corner in the poetry section.

The night before that day, we heard that the seventy eight years old famous female Italian poet died on November 1st 2009, and thus the day after many people came to ask for her books hearing about her death on television.

In the library "bookstore", there is a section, that is filled with books or works of the recently deceased literary figures such as writers and poets as well as famous artists and celebrities of cinema, television, theater or music and as a joke we called that place the table of the dead.

Until a few months ago I didn’t know that it was a table for the occasions because no one had told me about it, then I discovered after Michael Jackson died on 25th June, then died Fernanda Pivano a famous Italian writer, journalist, translator and the table was filled with her works, then on September 8th died Mike Bongiorno and there were all books on him on this table and this time Alda Merini but not known who else will be died so the people would come to ask for his books?!

Here, on this piece of land, where I live, people asking for the titles of the books by the recently deceased authors, seems a bit funny for me, but I don’t know if the other parts of the world is the same or not.

The writers, novelists, poets live with hardships, in their own designed world to live longer after going under earth, but how funny the people are; not knowing the values of their works until they are dead. And when they are dead, bluff begins and every one cries after them, and then their remnants gets worthy.

As the death of an artist, an author calls people’s attention, towards him and they will begin to search to know him which in reality is crying for the spilled milk.

Wow, seeing this I thought, what a business it would be for a bookstore, “Let’s suffocate the writers to get their books quickly sold. It is totally a new idea in this funny world with funny people!!”

Read more about Alda Merini here

Laughing from the core of heart

People laugh when they are happy some laugh when a funny scene is seen. Funny things happen and make people laugh. It also happens when someone is sad and laughing, it’s happened to me. It is when you pass a very hard time and an unhappy condition then you begin to laugh on your situation to laugh on your destiny, to laugh on yourself for a while.

It is when you are not happy to laugh but have left everything to forget them just for one moment of a very quick happiness, a moment that passes in an eye blink. It is when you laugh from the core of your heart in this short moment though you may be internally sad, but this short laughter makes you not feel anything sad in spite of all difficulties you have.

Here in this stage of life, minutes and seconds are counted and every single thing has its values for you and you know you are experiencing the real life. The way it should have been felt, experienced and lived.

It is when you are moving back reviewing the pages of your life in passed time. You come to another understanding of life, you may feel and things all your life time, as long as you have aged so far, you did not use things the way they should have been, you did not live the way you should have.

Another short laughter comes to you, you laugh again, this time harsher and again from the core of your heart;

you laugh for your own life when you feel regret in you, in how you lived, how things went with you. You do not see anyone to blame, it was you and you are made this way you come to the point. Yeah this is you, this is your life in fact and this is your direction to move towards on the map of life for that with no worries keep going on, do your best, it is you the way you have been, you are made this way.

You laugh again shortly; this time on your fate and destiny you may blame it.

In a real comedic situation, you learn it is the real life and you say to yourself, take it easy man, it is not only you this way, every one has his own story of pains and confusion to share but perhaps they do not have the ability or the courage to write it down on a blank page as you do, therefore.

Do it, write it down, this is the only thing you can do. This time you laugh on what you discovered; this is life, sometime happy, sometime sad of course. You have passed many difficulties and bore many pains and still breathe to live on. And you got as well, there is no way except patience and tolerance; no worried, this will pass as well therefore continue laughing from the core of your heart.

The joy of loneliness

Today after some time I am here again, on this page, just check marking my presence on the attendance book of life and to show up and say that I still exist. To say that I still breathe and I am still strong, too strong to be myself.

I am still strong in my faith, in friendship, in struggle with life and in falling in love, as I was always but this time even stronger than anytime before.

Today once again, I am here, to show up and you would know that something is wrong and would ask me, what that is. Today you know that the bowl of my patience is pouring out as my sorrows had exceeded the limit of my tolerance, and I am coming here to share it with you, with my friends, with my best friends and with the readers anywhere in the world.

It was sometime, that I kept quiet, to be drown into myself, to get to know me better, to discover me in loneliness, where there is no one else, where there is no imaginations and ambitions that sometime blind us from the existing realities and where there is no fake mirrors. It is when one can find oneself easier. It is when one can throw out all what has inside and then judge it peacefully and tranquilly with himself.

There is no doubt, loneliness could result to isolate one for sometime, but what is obtained in this experience is worthy, likable and adventuresome.
With this adventure one can drown down into the depth of sea of fear where he could imagine it to be the end, the border in between existence and non existence and then can come out swimming onto the shore of rescue, enjoying the power and ability of doing it alone, which he may not have thought of once.
With this experience, one can throw all the fears, the phobia and panic of inexperienced and unexpected “what next”s away to climb the peaks of self confidence, to reach to the highest level of ability by oneself.
It is loneliness through which you find even the God easier.

It is long though that I suffer the loneliness, but it is nice to be by yourself sometime. It is nice to have a world of yourself. It is nice to be able and to dare to dip you drown under the sea of loneliness for sometime to find you better, to find your abilities better, and to see who you are, then you can come back out, stronger, better and with more abilities.

Yesterday, yeah, it was just yesterday, when the directress at my work said something that made me very happy, hopeful as if I was given a new birth.

She called me at her office and said, “Amin, I heard something and I hope it is true. I know that you are working hard these days, therefore you seem to be sleepless, it is seen in your eyes, however good, keep doing your hard work and we will support you.”
I thought that she would not know about what I am doing, but she knew, I don’t know who told her, but she knew about it.

Well, may be someone had told her or she has seen by herself, because it was long that I was collecting the papers that were used and had one side blank, whereever at work I found. She must have seen that, may be.

It was long that I didn’t have time for posting on my blogs, for going out, accepting the invitations of friend’s outgoings and …

I was just drowning into depth of my loneliness and doing what I thought would work out one day.

I collected the papers with one side blank, to use them when I was on my way to work, in lunch breaks and my way back home.

Some of colleagues when saw me doing this, asked “what do you with these papers?” and I usually said, “I eat them.” and some laughed and knew that I joked. Among them one really had believed when I told him in joking that we have a special Afghan food in which white paper is the main ingredient and he was excited and said “Wow, when will you invite us for that special food?” and I said, don’t worry, one day I will.
It was very funny.

However, the directress said that she heard that I was writing a novel, and I said, “Yeah, I am writing something but I don’t know what it is, let’s see at the end”. But she was serious and said, whenever you finish it, our publication would be the first one to publish it in Italy but I said, “it is in English” and she said, “no problem we have our editors and translators”, it was how I felt that I was given a new birth, I didn’t know before what they thought about me.
I don’t know when I finish it but it just planted the seeds of hope inside me.

Yeah, it has been a long time, that I have broken my connections and communications with the world of outside, except being busy with my own stuff that is writing a novel, my first novel in English. Though I am sure, it is difficult for a non native English speaker to write a novel in English, but I do my best to do it while I am not sure in this moment who will publish it, or whether will it be published one day.

In this loneliness, when I have lost my connection with every one, I just approached to one, and that is “L” Literature, with which I write.

Since I am filling my loneliness with “L”, the Literature I am a bit happy therefore yesterday I announced that I am getting married with "L" the Literature, and our first child would be my first novel in English.

I know as a result of my loneliness and cutting connections with friends, I may have hurt some of my best friends, but here through this page, through this window I ask for their pardon. I ask them to forgive me and have patience give me time until I finish the work. I will be back to you all but with something in my hand.

And I know that the loneliness has also a limitation. Not good to be always alone, not for a long time and not for ever but for a limited time when necessary like my case.

I remember sometime, when talking with a friend and she said, "how long are you going to be single, this way crazy?" and laughing I said, “I am happy this way, because I am free, my wings are free and I can fly like a falcon, and there is no limitations how high I fly, where ever I go and” but she said, laughing, “Do not be too proud of being a falcon, one day one, (a lady) would be found to cut your wings and make you a hen, so dont be too proud!.” And we both burst laughing.

May be she was right, as later I thought. May be I making mistake feeling that having some one in your life means that you can not fly high, may be it is the wise versa, having one could help better fly higher.

However, I have thought about it but I haven’t made a real decision yet to get married. I still feel that I am still young to get married. Only until some time ago, I felt that I was not ready yet to get married but recently I have changed my idea, but may be I haven’t found yet the right person for me, the person of the same genre of mine, therefore I am still alone.

Yeah, I haven’t got married yet and I am still single but I don’t know whether it is the matter of fate and destiny or a problem in me. I don’t know. Ha ha ha ha ha

I have lost and found my God more than fifty times!

"Why human beings are so complicated sometimes?" Why are they made this way? Why are they so weak sometimes? And why do they need worshiping God? They are the questions that always bothers me and I asked many times myself why I was created this way but I didn’t find the answer yet, would it be better to ask God or the one who has created me, who has created all of us but no one has seen him or her yet. I am not sure, was it my nature from the beginning, or was it the surroundings that made me grow this way, worshiping God no I don’t remember and I don’t know it at all as I try very hard.

Actually sometimes it the blackness of blind nights when no one is around me to disturb me by breaking the fragile border of my loneliness, that guides me or better to say pushes me towards thinking about God. About the existence of someone who is always thinking about me, about someone who has created me and is taking care of me anywhere at anytime while I haven’t seen him or her yet as no one else did it so far.

Sometimes I blame myself for not worshiping enough my God, but neither do I know how to do it the best way. Is God only to be remembered when there is loneliness, when there is a problem when there is a peril or when there is a real dead-end?

Oh, my God, I looked for you everywhere, in the grandeur of the sea, in the depth of the night, in the crystal drops of rain and in the blueness of sky, anywhere I thought could be a sign of you as the only one, as the greatest one and as the creator of all creatures and you know where I find you finally? By looking for you in the strange places, I find you nowhere and I find you every where.

The people look for you in the mosques, temples and churches as if they don’t know of your presence everywhere as if they are unfamiliar with you or may be they are just in the search of only titles but not the reality of your essence.

Not only in I didn’t look for you in particular places but any beauties I saw, have related them to you somehow.

The beauty of the early moment of the sunrise, the rainbow after the rain, the tender drops of rain, the reddish color of the sunset, the blinks of the stars of the night are all for me somehow signs of your beauty.

Sometimes I find you in the beauty of smiles of a nice girl in Milan, who when smiles and her white teeth blink and her eyes spark in the eyes of the people looking her.

I find you in the beauty of the shape of a nice girl in Milan, and it is when I say to my self, “ Oh, my God, what an artistic trace you have created, and then I say, my God you made her when you had enough time to spend on her may be on a weekend, ha ha ha
And seeing that beautiful girl I come to believe that you are beautiful, you create beautiful things, and you like beautiful things.

Well, I know you since you gave me the senses, mind, feeling, love and sensation and then with all these freedom to think freely, and refer to you whenever I need you and wherever I find you, by all means, whenever I recognize you not by dictates of the others but by my own knowledge and choice.
Well, I feel lucky sometimes, that I know you, by your own meaning and by the power of the wisdom you gave me, with my own comprehension, but not by the force of any other person when I see whole system you created I really understand how small I am in comparison with those all, so I come to believe that you don’t need me to worship you as I am nothing in comparison to your power, your knowledge, and your grandeur, but instead I worship you to give myself a peace to give my conscience a relaxation and to have a judgment power within my own heart to control myself, to manage myself and then to achieve and maintain the real title you gave me; the best creature on the earth. That is all I think.

The others may look for you in the light of the sun in the day, but I look for you in the light of yourself even in the darkness of the night when everyone else is sleeping and everywhere is dark in black, it is you only entering into my heart with the ray of light of the sense you gave me.

I find you in the darkness of the night when nothing is seen, when no color is visible and distinguished in non existence of ray of light, it is you and because of the light you have, I could easily find you even in that darkness.

Some people and friends blame me of being infidel when I am looking for you in the strange places; in places where no one else would ever go to look for you, it is may be the way I have found you or have known you is different from the others for which I don’t care and I don’t have to care what the others say about, because the important is you, and you are the destination, while not important which way to reach to you.

One of the reasons I let myself to look for you anywhere I see beauties, is because I you have given me the freedom to select when you created me a free human with a wisdom.

Oh, God, I feel shameful sometimes because when I face with difficulties I come to remember you, and I say to myself why not always should I remember my God.

Well, I and should add this as well, when I make a plan to do something and I do my best, but then something wrote happens, then I say to myself, no God doesn’t exist, if existed then why didn’t help me out doing it the best I wanted to. When I come to deny you, or neglect you, the whole day, then I blame me of why doing this, but again at the end of the day, when my sadness finishes then I give me the right to be sad with you, as I don’t come to a logical point.

You know my God, sometimes I come to deny you when I see existence of many bad things in the world. Especially when confusion takes over* and I am mixed up with everything I say with my wails* through the depth of my hearth that why you don’t see all bad things in the world.

It is when I come to doubt you, your power, your justice, your ability and then at the end of the day, when I count better and relate things one to the other logically I again come to rely on you with a bit more carefulness and I see different evidences then I find out that well, I made a mistake to doubt you, to deny you which all because I lost my patience.

You know when else I get angry with you? I become sad with you when people misuse your name and your title for bad things and you don’t curse them all the soon needed. Sometimes it is when I see people commit crimes, kill people, betray to humanity and all bad things in the world and they legalize their actions just taking your name and relating all those to your name and at the end of the day , you don’t curse them, as you promised so.

I get sad, even angry with you, when I see all unjust and unfair treatments of people on the earth, especially by those who entitles them to be nearer than the others to you, and then I see, you don’t curse them and don’t demolish them, while I know and I am sure you are just, you are the founder of the justice but here I wonder where your justice is. I get sad with you when I see good people don’t live long, in the world, while the oppressors the dictators and the betrayers live long, well and with all comforts, it is when I come to believe that the paradise you promised may not exist for the day of the judgment.

Could I be infidel or not as may be felt by some of those who believe to be your most reliable believers but I say all these because I believe you are transparent and you like your creatures to be transparent , honest, and straightforward with you, so I am true and straightforward with you.

People, taking your name, do all possible bad things against the others and still you don’t curse them.

Therefore I don’t pray you five times a day, or three times a day as the others do, but I try to do things that you like and could be good for other creatures of yours.

I may not stand in public to show or pretend to pray you, but who knows how my heart throbs for you, who knows how I am searching you in every single good thing I see.

Others may only say but I do wish those things, for the others that I want for myself.
The others may look for you n public but I do look for you in the loneliness, where there is not a realtor or fake representative of you as a connector between us, but only I directly with you.

The reason of being sad with you could be of the freedom you gave me to be human along with the knowledge and the wisdom.

Oh, my God, help me always be the way you want me to be, always pure my heart and fill it with love, with brightness and with honesty so always thinking about you and always be useful for your other creatures, here is where I need your help, and the rest I do with the wisdom and power you already gave me.

And, oh my God, before finishing this writing, let me tell you about the most beautiful place I found you so far. The most beautiful place I found you so far is in the beauty of meanings of love and freedom, that is where I stop, concentrate and think about you and finally smile and feel happy.

خداوندا تو میدانی که انسان بودن و ماندن در این دنیا چه دشواراست

چه زجری میکشد آنکس که انسان است و از احساس شرشاراست

Life, fear, pain, rain and liberation!

It had been ages that I was witnessing a conflict inside me, between two parts of my inner essence, but I always took it for granted and never thought about it seriously as if I had seen nothing. Actually there had always been a conflict between my mind and my heart and this game is over finally these days, since I decided to compromise to one of them and let my soul fly out of the cage towards freedom from all responsibilities that exist for human beings on the land. It was possible when the fear as and old companion of my soul was gone away.

I did it finally and am not regretful for it but instead am very happy. As I said, am happy for finalizing it because I am moving out of inner chaos and quarrels after discovering a new way of continuing and going on towards everlasting.

Let me describe and compare these two parts first and then I will tell you how I have overcame this internal quarrel and achieved my victory.

My mind, a part that deals with logic, knowledge and senses always feels responsibility to do things correctly, as traditionally it is the habited in the world for every one, it alarms me of dangers, damages, and risks and always keeps me in panic on the other hand my heart is blind and generous, doesn’t go on with logics or understandings it just moves where ever there is no logic, there is no knowledgeable senses but instead where there are feelings, sensibilities and emotions. It sometimes behaves as a headstrong little child and goes wherever it wants to, and sometimes it is really hard to control it!

So far, many times it has been misled by my eyes and I tried my best to stop it through interference of my mind, but it doesn’t listen to me and most of the time it doesn’t obey my mind, what would I do then, I didn’t know.

It was almost becoming a dangerous civil war inside me and I didn’t know how to cease the fire in between the two parts. I was almost lost in between and didn’t know which one to believe, which one to trust. Both had reasons, reasons of their own each and it was not easy to take part of one and condemn the other one. Indeed there was need of judgment, a correct judgment, but I wasn’t able to do it, or I wasn’t the correct man to do it, perhaps, I didn’t dare to judge it. However, my heart said one thing and then my mind opposed it and when my mind commanded one thing, then my heart rejected it and didn’t accepted, and I was a witness in the middle, just a confused witness, without anything to say, actually I didn’t have the power to judge correctly, so, on the other hand, I never wanted to blame one and praise the other, so I always had to hesitate and this hesitation slowly on made me slow, powerless and drowning into confusion.

In the middle of confusion I was eating finishing myself quietly from inside which wasn’t seen by the others, by the people outside but it was me, suffering it from inside and as time passed, I went deeper into the confusion that was driving me towards an illusion which could gobble me soon.

I had different choices then; whether to hesitate and compromise to the confusion and go finish, to take part of mind, to take part of heart or to release my self from both the heart and mind and take a new way of living but I needed some help to choose either of the options.

I knew that finally I was coming to choose the third one, but still I need someone or something to share this idea with and act on it, but I had no one neither I knew anyone who could help me figure it out, how to come out of this quarrel. At least someone or something had to help me out and inspire me, how to liberate myself from the heart and mind business and begin a new way of living; a new life may be without neither one!

Well, as usual, first I referred to God this time again, and I asked him; “Oh, my God, please help me come out of this business, give me peace and tranquility” and I heard God saying me, “When coming to me, first, clean your heart and listen to what I say carefully, and then think about it with your mind and logics and then come to believe them.”
“Ouuuuuffffffff no! I came to you to escape my mind and my heart and again you started to talk about these two?!”

As I found that what God commands me, is all about mind and heart and again there is a link between what God says and what my mind and hearts quarrels on, no I can not come up with so I have to avoid it. Well, dear God, I am not the person you are looking for!

What else could I test and refer to? Music? Could it help me come out of confusion?
Well, I tested music but when I heard the first music sound, it went right into my heart; it really touched the threads of my heart and made me feel a pain in my heart. It went through inside my heart and made it drunken. So with music I am not neutral either because I took the part of my heart, and then what happens to my mind as I promised not to take part of one? No I can’t make it either. It is not something that could liberate me from the long lasting internal quarrel. There is still something related to heart and mind in it.

You know what?! Even once I decided to blind me; to take my eyes out of my skull because I thought it is all because of my eyes that see things and my heart runs for them and fall into craze and then my mind berates it, it is when the fight beings. However I then didn’t dare to do it, you know life is sweet.

On the other hand, to escape my mind, I wanted to go craze and lose my apprehension, but I found that I am already insane and it is useless to redo it, because there is no need for it.

Well, I had to see other things then; I tested reading books, I tested walking in the park in sunny days, I tried saying funny things and laughing with friends and many more things but unfortunately none of them were a help to come of out the problem and cure my disease. Oh, my God, help me out! I am totally confused!


And you know what? Finally, one day, in a rainy day, which I first thought were a sad and a bad day, but indeed it was the day I got my liberation. It was the day when I learnt how to liberate myself out of the responsibilities, out of the panic of life, out of fear of being a human, out of fear of what happens next and what to do then.


The rain, as a messenger of liberation has petted me tenderly while loping from up showering on me showing me how to stream as water, and how to bring smiles to the lips of buds, now to green and the greenery. Very simply as simple it is, the rain told me of not to be afraid of what all exists in the world and just let it go, as it goes.

The first moment, when it began to rain, I was baffled not having an umbrella, as every one does when it rains, not knowing the mercy of rain, again panic came to me, panic of being drenched, fear of getting dirty, fear of getting sick, fear of appearance of the eminent parts of my body as my clothes get wet and stuck tightly on my body, but I was totally wrong, as always negative, while in reality it was not the case and I was misunderstanding it. Perhaps, by then, I didn’t know about kindness, freshness, cleanness and the generosity of rain until I really felt it by my own senses from very close distance when it touched me.

So, it rained and slowly on drops of rain went into my clothes, first it was a bit strange, then as I was getting wetter I was losing fear and I was thinking fear of what?
So, if I get wet what happens then? Nothing bad happens, it just gives pleasure, just for a while, I thought if I get wet then what happens? Nothing! If I get dirty with rain water then what happens? Nothing! If I don’t have an umbrella then what happens? Nothing! For a while I released myself in the hand of rain and I gained the pleasure of liberation, liberation of many “Ifs”, from many questions such as “Then?” and many nonsense self-made constraints.
For a while I thought why every one has fear of rain, why every one escapes when it rains and they don’t have umbrellas? just for nothing, just for a misunderstanding and just for not knowing how inspiring the rains is.

I let myself under the rain, opened my shoulders and embraced the rain with my entire essence when I was knowing how good it is, and it was when I really felt it, I really felt how merciful, how kind, how generous and how clean the rain is.

I remember the first moment that was a turning point in my new liberated life, how the first drops of rain drenched me and slowly on washed out my fear and took me into another world, into a new world, a new world far from daily lives with its daily problems, it just took me into another world where there is no panic of the day and night, where there is no waiting for what happen next and where there is no suspensions and hidden things. In a world, where every thing is clean, clear, transparent, flow, moving, streaming, freshening and inspiring exactly as the rain. In a world where there is no need to hide things and then feel regretful, there is no need to take time and discuss with consciences, because in such world the conscience itself is present and obvious it doesn’t have a disappearing essence.
As the rain washed out fear, it is like it washed all the sins as well. I discovered another valuable thing here as well out of rain that is the relationship between fear and sin. I found that fear always comes when there is a sin, so when one is sinful he is fearful and when one is sinless he is fearless as well, but just there is need of clarification and evidence for the presence or absence of sins which could be seen through the transparency of the rain and believing eyes.
I just felt that the moment rain fell on me and gave me the new feeling; it was as if someone gave me a new world, a new life and thus I discovered that a drop represents a see and when I could feel a new life by a drop of rain, why shouldn’t I live every moment of life fearless and as some say “life is now” then why shouldn’t I use every “now” of the my life mixing with each drop of the rain and why shouldn’t I get into the rain and become everlasting by flowing always. That is what I learnt from the rain and I counsel to everyone else who want to be ever-flowing as the rain.

It was an experience of only once, but that only one time was the beginning and now I am a good friend of rain and I always go under the rain when it rains. It is like the only best friend I have. Now on, I have strengthened my relation with it and I never miss it when it comes and now one can break this friendship, because I am a part of the rain now and the rain is a part of me, we are like one soul into to bodies and no one can separate us unless takes the life of one of us which is not possible either.
If someone kills me, again as I am rain now, a drop of mine represents my whole essence and that is how everlasting essence is made through such strong friendships.
And I am saying all these to those who are going to love me and be a friend of mine, I will run inside their hearts and give them the same feeling, the inspiration as rain has given to me, I will make them rainy as I am, believe me! And in order to believe me you just need to have a heart as the rain, a clean, a generous, transparent and big enough heart so that I share my feelings with you.


A time to compromise to my heart!

You know what? After the friendship and merging with rain, I finally discovered that so far I was always escaping from myself when I was escaping from my heart and my mind, as long as I went any where, at any place, they are the non separable elements of my essence and are always with me, and from the moment they are not with me anymore, I seem not to exist anymore, although they are the cause of my non-curable disease because where ever I go, it is with me and still I have to run from myself so at the end, I decided to remain how crazy I am with all my internal quarrels that is with every one else as a human being. But now as a result of friendship with the rain and liberation from the world, I am a bit partial and normally I take part of my heart rather than my mind, because I know my heart is big, generous and very clean as the rain that is it!
And if you want to try my heart, you can try it without any permission!


زدست دیده و دل هردو فریاد
که هرچه دیده بیند دل کند یاد
بسازم خنجری از جنس پولاد
زنم بردیده تا دل گردد آزاد

I, the Red Apple and the Doctress

Suffering from “having no one to love”, that I already discovered as a problem, but I always took it for granted, a friend told me to go to a doctor and ask why I was this way.

By chance, I went to doctor, indeed to a female one; “a doctress” and in the first visit I found that this doctor is the one I was looking for to rely on. Seeing her eyes I felt that I am entering into a new world. And as time passed I got better after I found someone while looking to her eyes, I thought my imaginations were being realized.

Then without taking any of medicines the doctor wrote on the prescription only by visiting the doctor, I felt that I was getting better.

One day by chance, some one, a friend, gave me a red apple; a full red apple, as red as a heart. I smelt it and it gave me a good savor and a sense. Any time by smelling it, I felt fresher by its savor and as days passed the apple turned redder.

Slowly on there was no need to visit the doctor either, as the apple was good enough to make me feel better.

One day I decided to half the apple with the doctor, so to transfer my apple feeling to the doctor, as well.

When I went to the doctor for this purpose, she gave me the prescription and there was written on it; “an apple everyday, until you get better!”

As written on the prescription, I ate the red apple by myself and thereafter I eat an apple everyday but it is not inspiring anymore as the first red apple.

While I had already read it somewhere, “An apple a day keeps doctor away!” I didn’t go to the doctress anymore thereafter.

And now I feel I am sick again without the first red apple and the doctress!