Have You Ever Lost The Sense of Life?

Life is like a rhythm that repeats time to time and we have no way, except getting used to it. Life is like music that you have to listen to it and enjoy it.

In this music time is very important, it exists but you do not feel it, until you get to know about it at once. It is like a seasonal perfume that passes by and gives you a sign of its passage. Actually time is like a passing- by breeze that goes, touches you softly, but you can not catch it, touch it or stop it.

And again crows! This morning after weeks of laziness or may be of being so busy with studies and other little things-to-do and of course the ulcer problem, I came out of home to run and discover who commands the world.

I went jogging to take deep breaths and get some inspirations for my writings. I really need to do something. My pen has been sleeping for a while, but now it has to shake a leg.

Especially now that I discovered, time is like a breeze that you can not touch or stop it, only feel it and when it goes away you regret for not being able to use it the way you should have been.

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And the crows, of course, which I hate, are the messengers of coldness for me. Anytime they begin to caw, I feel they make fun of human beings, even sometimes I feel, they threaten the human beings, or at least they threaten me; making the fun of human beings for how weak they are, given them the message that the greenery is gone and soon snow fall and everywhere will be whiten out and that it is the time, when only and only black dots and points like crows would reign happily on the world and make fun of the people. I don’t know why, when they caw, I feel they laugh harshly at people!

With snow, I am happy, I like snow, when everywhere is white, I feel very relaxed that there is equality all over the world and its beauty is extraordinary. But then the crows, try to grab this happiness from me, and I feel they threaten to whiteness of the snow, it may not be right though.

I’ve always hated crows and I don’t know why. I only know in my childhood, anytime I had bad time, there must have been a crow cawing in the background and whenever I had a nightmare or a bad feeling at night, I must have dreamed a crow and even now that I am grown, whenever the crows begin to caw, I feel they threaten me but I don’t know why and what for.

Years back, sometimes, when I hated someone, soon his image in my mind would turn into a crow. The first time I saw Mullah Omar’s one-eyed portrait, I just imagined him as a crow but honestly I don’t know why.

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It is mid October now, except some special kinds most of the trees still have green leaves, they are still colorful and beautiful, I can see that in spite of crows’ continues cawing, the trees still keep staying green.

May be in a month or so, they may change color, get pale, brown and bronze, but they will still be beautiful.

When they begin to fall, at first it is like a traffic light for me that let the other season come, but they are beautiful in their new color as well.

And autumn, in spite of its coldness, I like its beauty and the dancing falling leaves gives me a special feeling. And that, when it is getting cold, people, and lovers get closer, their hugs are warmer now in this new season.

In the first days in autumn when you walk on the sidewalks and trample the fallen leaves, the crunching sound may give you a sense of regret and sympathy for why you’d walked over them, but then you like the idea that the falling leaves go and let the new ones come out of the trees, it is the rule of the nature, you believe.

This idea relaxes you, and you don’t care anymore that each autumn is the alarm of passage of a year you’ve left behind, and you think it is okay, as long as there is life, you take breath, feel it and enjoy it. And if you have a good luck and chance, you would dance happily with this rhythmic music!

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I went jogging as once I used to, in the nearest park. It has been now a year that I live in this area and I use this park for running.

This may be the fifth or sixth park in this city I come to for jogging.I have discovered that jogging really helps me opening my mind and seeing things differently.

During these years, place to place I changed my home and now I am here in this zone of the city. Changing different places, I got to know different corner of the city, with their particularities. Here in this city, during these four years, I have been sad, happy, alone, with friends, full, empty, emotional, cold- hearted, faithful, Godless, hopeful, disappointed but I have continued to live and experience more and more possible.

The idea of “beginning to write again” came to my mind when I saw the postings of my blog, “Oh my God!” years have passed and this blog, that had to be a very personal window of my heart with the people outside, has remained un-posted for so long.

And now I have decided to write, write and write again to keep the heart of this blog throbbing so my own heart keep throbbing with it.