Today after some time I am here again, on this page, just check marking my presence on the attendance book of life and to show up and say that I still exist. To say that I still breathe and I am still strong, too strong to be myself.
I am still strong in my faith, in friendship, in struggle with life and in falling in love, as I was always but this time even stronger than anytime before.
Today once again, I am here, to show up and you would know that something is wrong and would ask me, what that is. Today you know that the bowl of my patience is pouring out as my sorrows had exceeded the limit of my tolerance, and I am coming here to share it with you, with my friends, with my best friends and with the readers anywhere in the world.
It was sometime, that I kept quiet, to be drown into myself, to get to know me better, to discover me in loneliness, where there is no one else, where there is no imaginations and ambitions that sometime blind us from the existing realities and where there is no fake mirrors. It is when one can find oneself easier. It is when one can throw out all what has inside and then judge it peacefully and tranquilly with himself.
There is no doubt, loneliness could result to isolate one for sometime, but what is obtained in this experience is worthy, likable and adventuresome.
With this adventure one can drown down into the depth of sea of fear where he could imagine it to be the end, the border in between existence and non existence and then can come out swimming onto the shore of rescue, enjoying the power and ability of doing it alone, which he may not have thought of once.
With this experience, one can throw all the fears, the phobia and panic of inexperienced and unexpected “what next”s away to climb the peaks of self confidence, to reach to the highest level of ability by oneself.
It is loneliness through which you find even the God easier.
Today once again, I am here, to show up and you would know that something is wrong and would ask me, what that is. Today you know that the bowl of my patience is pouring out as my sorrows had exceeded the limit of my tolerance, and I am coming here to share it with you, with my friends, with my best friends and with the readers anywhere in the world.
It was sometime, that I kept quiet, to be drown into myself, to get to know me better, to discover me in loneliness, where there is no one else, where there is no imaginations and ambitions that sometime blind us from the existing realities and where there is no fake mirrors. It is when one can find oneself easier. It is when one can throw out all what has inside and then judge it peacefully and tranquilly with himself.
There is no doubt, loneliness could result to isolate one for sometime, but what is obtained in this experience is worthy, likable and adventuresome.
With this adventure one can drown down into the depth of sea of fear where he could imagine it to be the end, the border in between existence and non existence and then can come out swimming onto the shore of rescue, enjoying the power and ability of doing it alone, which he may not have thought of once.
With this experience, one can throw all the fears, the phobia and panic of inexperienced and unexpected “what next”s away to climb the peaks of self confidence, to reach to the highest level of ability by oneself.
It is loneliness through which you find even the God easier.
It is long though that I suffer the loneliness, but it is nice to be by yourself sometime. It is nice to have a world of yourself. It is nice to be able and to dare to dip you drown under the sea of loneliness for sometime to find you better, to find your abilities better, and to see who you are, then you can come back out, stronger, better and with more abilities.
Yesterday, yeah, it was just yesterday, when the directress at my work said something that made me very happy, hopeful as if I was given a new birth.
She called me at her office and said, “Amin, I heard something and I hope it is true. I know that you are working hard these days, therefore you seem to be sleepless, it is seen in your eyes, however good, keep doing your hard work and we will support you.”
I thought that she would not know about what I am doing, but she knew, I don’t know who told her, but she knew about it.
Well, may be someone had told her or she has seen by herself, because it was long that I was collecting the papers that were used and had one side blank, whereever at work I found. She must have seen that, may be.
It was long that I didn’t have time for posting on my blogs, for going out, accepting the invitations of friend’s outgoings and …
I was just drowning into depth of my loneliness and doing what I thought would work out one day.
I collected the papers with one side blank, to use them when I was on my way to work, in lunch breaks and my way back home.
Yesterday, yeah, it was just yesterday, when the directress at my work said something that made me very happy, hopeful as if I was given a new birth.
She called me at her office and said, “Amin, I heard something and I hope it is true. I know that you are working hard these days, therefore you seem to be sleepless, it is seen in your eyes, however good, keep doing your hard work and we will support you.”
I thought that she would not know about what I am doing, but she knew, I don’t know who told her, but she knew about it.
Well, may be someone had told her or she has seen by herself, because it was long that I was collecting the papers that were used and had one side blank, whereever at work I found. She must have seen that, may be.
It was long that I didn’t have time for posting on my blogs, for going out, accepting the invitations of friend’s outgoings and …
I was just drowning into depth of my loneliness and doing what I thought would work out one day.
I collected the papers with one side blank, to use them when I was on my way to work, in lunch breaks and my way back home.
Some of colleagues when saw me doing this, asked “what do you with these papers?” and I usually said, “I eat them.” and some laughed and knew that I joked. Among them one really had believed when I told him in joking that we have a special Afghan food in which white paper is the main ingredient and he was excited and said “Wow, when will you invite us for that special food?” and I said, don’t worry, one day I will.
It was very funny.
However, the directress said that she heard that I was writing a novel, and I said, “Yeah, I am writing something but I don’t know what it is, let’s see at the end”. But she was serious and said, whenever you finish it, our publication would be the first one to publish it in Italy but I said, “it is in English” and she said, “no problem we have our editors and translators”, it was how I felt that I was given a new birth, I didn’t know before what they thought about me.
I don’t know when I finish it but it just planted the seeds of hope inside me.
Yeah, it has been a long time, that I have broken my connections and communications with the world of outside, except being busy with my own stuff that is writing a novel, my first novel in English. Though I am sure, it is difficult for a non native English speaker to write a novel in English, but I do my best to do it while I am not sure in this moment who will publish it, or whether will it be published one day.
In this loneliness, when I have lost my connection with every one, I just approached to one, and that is “L” Literature, with which I write.
Since I am filling my loneliness with “L”, the Literature I am a bit happy therefore yesterday I announced that I am getting married with "L" the Literature, and our first child would be my first novel in English.
I know as a result of my loneliness and cutting connections with friends, I may have hurt some of my best friends, but here through this page, through this window I ask for their pardon. I ask them to forgive me and have patience give me time until I finish the work. I will be back to you all but with something in my hand.
And I know that the loneliness has also a limitation. Not good to be always alone, not for a long time and not for ever but for a limited time when necessary like my case.
I remember sometime, when talking with a friend and she said, "how long are you going to be single, this way crazy?" and laughing I said, “I am happy this way, because I am free, my wings are free and I can fly like a falcon, and there is no limitations how high I fly, where ever I go and” but she said, laughing, “Do not be too proud of being a falcon, one day one, (a lady) would be found to cut your wings and make you a hen, so dont be too proud!.” And we both burst laughing.
It was very funny.
However, the directress said that she heard that I was writing a novel, and I said, “Yeah, I am writing something but I don’t know what it is, let’s see at the end”. But she was serious and said, whenever you finish it, our publication would be the first one to publish it in Italy but I said, “it is in English” and she said, “no problem we have our editors and translators”, it was how I felt that I was given a new birth, I didn’t know before what they thought about me.
I don’t know when I finish it but it just planted the seeds of hope inside me.
Yeah, it has been a long time, that I have broken my connections and communications with the world of outside, except being busy with my own stuff that is writing a novel, my first novel in English. Though I am sure, it is difficult for a non native English speaker to write a novel in English, but I do my best to do it while I am not sure in this moment who will publish it, or whether will it be published one day.
In this loneliness, when I have lost my connection with every one, I just approached to one, and that is “L” Literature, with which I write.
Since I am filling my loneliness with “L”, the Literature I am a bit happy therefore yesterday I announced that I am getting married with "L" the Literature, and our first child would be my first novel in English.
I know as a result of my loneliness and cutting connections with friends, I may have hurt some of my best friends, but here through this page, through this window I ask for their pardon. I ask them to forgive me and have patience give me time until I finish the work. I will be back to you all but with something in my hand.
And I know that the loneliness has also a limitation. Not good to be always alone, not for a long time and not for ever but for a limited time when necessary like my case.
I remember sometime, when talking with a friend and she said, "how long are you going to be single, this way crazy?" and laughing I said, “I am happy this way, because I am free, my wings are free and I can fly like a falcon, and there is no limitations how high I fly, where ever I go and” but she said, laughing, “Do not be too proud of being a falcon, one day one, (a lady) would be found to cut your wings and make you a hen, so dont be too proud!.” And we both burst laughing.
May be she was right, as later I thought. May be I making mistake feeling that having some one in your life means that you can not fly high, may be it is the wise versa, having one could help better fly higher.
However, I have thought about it but I haven’t made a real decision yet to get married. I still feel that I am still young to get married. Only until some time ago, I felt that I was not ready yet to get married but recently I have changed my idea, but may be I haven’t found yet the right person for me, the person of the same genre of mine, therefore I am still alone.
Yeah, I haven’t got married yet and I am still single but I don’t know whether it is the matter of fate and destiny or a problem in me. I don’t know. Ha ha ha ha ha
However, I have thought about it but I haven’t made a real decision yet to get married. I still feel that I am still young to get married. Only until some time ago, I felt that I was not ready yet to get married but recently I have changed my idea, but may be I haven’t found yet the right person for me, the person of the same genre of mine, therefore I am still alone.
Yeah, I haven’t got married yet and I am still single but I don’t know whether it is the matter of fate and destiny or a problem in me. I don’t know. Ha ha ha ha ha
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